A blessed new year!

Looking back at this vanishing year, my heart swells with gratitude. I feel blessed to have shared time and space with so many amazing people. Yes folks, I refer to each one of you who have stepped into my life even if briefly.

People unfold in all shades and colors. This is the beauty of life. At our very core resides perfection. In each person, this light shines through in varying hues and magnitude. And we traverse the river of life in a journey of perfecting the manifestation of that light.

At times, the light waxes and wanes in all. But we who serve the light will hold our wings of compassion over those flames that flicker so that the rainy day may pass and the light may dazzle anew another sunny day. As a fresh year blooms, may we all be blessed in perfecting our radiance!

Thank you all for your presence and kindness. Peace to all! Happy New Year!!

Existential angst

I thought I would just rant about the impossibility of being me. But then I started thinking "hey is this statement factually correct?" And all the steam went South.

Can't write a single solid opinion before a plethora of counterarguments rush into my brain! Let's see what happens when I start thinking about one tiny weenie viewpoint about some topic. Immediately that just melts into a hotpot of a thousand views with the whole 360 degree scan going round and round in my brain.

I am so jealous of people who are so sure of "this is the only way it can be." Wow! I can't even decide who I should support in a conventional hero-villian movie. I mean honestly the villian isn't all blameworthy nor is the hero all blameless. Don't grill me! I see only in shades! I have never met an evil person. Nor have I met a good person. I see a lot of shades of grey.

If someone decides to take me along to argue their point in a debate they are gonna have, they are done for. I am nodding my head to both sides of the argument. It is like I step out of my skin- the little ol me- and go footloose and fancy-free into the big world of infinite possibilities. And everything seems plausible.

It gets so bad sometimes that I wonder how any word can be spoken out aloud. Such inadequate representations of reality. This is why I love silence. It is so wholesome.

It is just insufferable to be me. Wait, that ain't totally right... Well here I go again..

The silent song

How would you hear the song of my heart
If your soul was not open to it?
The symphony of my love falls on deaf ears
The myriad hues of my warmth and compassion
Drowned out by your emotional blindness
It does not matter if I weep silently or aloud
Your heart can feel neither my joy nor pain.
Days and nights go on in vain
This silence driving me insane.
Like little clouds dispersing in a breeze
This heavy feeling too will cease.
Then life will go on as before
Like busy crabs trailing ashore.

APD and symbiosis

Here, APD refers to both antisocial personality disorder as well as the person who has that personality disorder. It is characterized by a blatant disregard for the rights and sensitivities of the other, violation of social norms and in extreme cases even criminal laws. In this article, I describe the garden-variety APD – the noncriminal APD. These masquerade as victims and feed on the energy, time, vitality and well being of others around them. Hence I refer them to as wolves and their victims as sheep.

At first, APD wolf establishes symbiotic relationship with the primary sheep. The primary sheep is the current central victim – the source of vitality from whom the APD will receive strokes, recognition and satisfaction. This could be a singular person or a group of persons. There will always be plenty of secondary sheep and a particularly unfortunate candidate called the scapegoat.

APDs can smell blood. Meaning, they generally have more than average intelligence and are usually keen observers of human nature. They use this to fit in and pick on the ones suitable for their feeding. The gimmick that falls for the APD con is the need to nurture, contribute, to be appreciated and recognized. The primary sheep will have negative NP. Or the primary sheep may be having self doubt and questioning own worth or reason for existence. APD’s Child immediately recognizes the chance to have a symbiotic relationship. In the first order symbiosis, the APD Child establishes a symbiotic union with the Parent and Adult of the primary sheep. APDs do not have an NP. They also briefly experience psychosis. In the secondary symbiosis, the P1 and A1 of APD bonds with C1 of the primary sheep. The primary sheep’s somatic Child derives satisfaction from the attention of the P1 and A1 of the APD. The nurturing provided by the APD is therefore over the top and has a dramatic quality to it. It is also ridden with magical thinking. There is also plenty of manipulative behaviour from the LP of the APD to keep the primary sheep in custody.

First off, the primary sheep will be charmed. Bombarded with strokes. There will be outlandish praises. Key areas of weakness in the primary sheep will be immediately noted by APD and exploited with vigor. APD presents as a victim. Usually complaining of neglect from other family members. Or sweeping primary sheep off their feet with the APD’s carefully constructed aura of vulnerability. The APD confesses some weakness which they are sure that only the primary sheep can cure them of. They will beg, implore and lure the primary sheep’s ego to hook into its need to feel important and competent. The primary sheep will be convinced that all others have failed the APD and they alone will be able to offer APD the magic cure. “Poor little APD! What a cruel world! If only others showed more understanding. I will help you. I will give you the attention that you need. I will cure you, blah, blah.”

For the APD, this is a well-orchestrated game that they have played over their entire lifetime. Many are the primary sheep who had their vitality sucked up, shriveled and died. Thus casting them away after their use, APD moves on from sheep to sheep.

Meanwhile the primary sheep is in ecstasy. The APD shows signs of improvement. They shower the primary sheep with praise. “You have finally done what others could never do. I am changing. I am making progress. Blah, blah.” Primary sheep’s ego is satisfied. But they never know that this game of “getting well” has been enacted countless times and will never reach the expected outcome.

The APD upholds for others and in their own mind a false self image. “A poor defective person trying hard to survive, needs help. Oh help me! They are rejecting me. Please save me.” They are great players of Wooden leg, Stupid, Poor me n “gee you are wonderful.” They are parasites looking to feed on the other person’s generosity, time, and energy. They even use religion to give themselves a saintly aura. They want to cruise through life doing nothing worthwhile but always giving off the image of striving hard. A true Try Hard-er. At worst, the APD appears to the others as an eccentric person, mildly irritating but nevertheless harmless. “Oh the poor sod!” But no! The APD is a vampire and very dangerous.

They will stab the primary sheep behind their back just for the fun of it. They will spread rumours of the primary sheep’s incompetence and may even ruin their career or family life all the while smiling and praising them. After the initial blitzkrieg of strokes that suit the primary sheep’s stroking profile, genuine strokes will be hard to come by. This shoddy behaviour is especially reserved for the one referred to as the scapegoat. They will sing songs of praise about areas that the sheep does not care about. This makes the APD look like a nurturing saint to the general sheep. Meanwhile after 10 plastic strokes, APD will give one counterfeit that pokes the goat straight in the sorespots. Nobody will notice. Even the scapegoat will be left gasping. This is a great boost of energy for the APD. This satisfies the APD’s need for drama. Their stimulus, structure, incidence, contact, and recognition hungers are very high. They need constant drama. The primary sheep will be fattened up and may not notice the cruelty of the APD. The scapegoat suffers silently. They have no words to describe what is going on. It is all so subtle. It is in the tone and nonverbals, and happens behind close doors.

APDs take away precious time and resources that could have been spent on another well-deserving person. APD gives off the image of being extremely caring with their P1 in overdrive. But at best, it is like a kid playing mother or father. Their care is insidiously oppressive n engulfing. They violate boundaries with impunity. They have no respect for personal space. Your attention is fully theirs to enjoy. Any deviation even if it is for your basic necessities will be perceived as an aggressive act. This will turn on the vengeful Child of the APD. An APD scorned is a force to reckon with. They will not finish off the primary sheep as they need to continue to feed on them. But the scapegoat will be punished mercilessly. Their reputations maligned. Their weakness exposed and laughed at. The APD will befriend and recruit the allies of the scapegoat to kick the scapegoat. The very people scapegoat worked hard all their lives to bond with, will at the behest of the APD, hurt the scapegoat. APD’s ogre will be unleashed.

APD is a disorder of the will. The lack of will to switch on their empathy. The lack of will to behave decently. The lack of will to care for the feelings of others. The lack of will to play a benevolent role in society. The lack of will to contribute anything selflessly. The lack of will to work towards goals. Instead they immediately go for the easy way. The manipulative behaviour to make others do all the hardwork and feed on their resources comes naturally to the APD. These people seem to have open-ended scripts. They have something I call negative Be Perfect and Please Others. They don’t have the skill or will to be perfect or please anyone for any significant amount of time. But they are notoriously good at picking on the faults of others and encouraging others to please them. If the APD is not pleased, a tantrum is inevitable. Or silent rage. Or withdrawal. An attempt at suicide. Anything to get the primary sheep to put out and start feeding again. Or they will do these things anyway, just to enjoy the drama of it. They love these negative strokes and negative feelings. It makes them feel alive. Their optimum arousal level is way too high. So they need a huge boost to feel anything.

This is hard on everyone around them. APD cannot be counted upon. They will not remain stable. They will not do anything really significant. They are good at putting on a show of doing a lot. But usually they will recruit the scapegoat to do all the work and to take on all the blame. They themselves on the other hand want to cruise along, enjoy the limelight, play “Poor me” and feed on the generosity of all they can deceive.

APD say what they never do and what they do they never say. And they are great at first impressions. If they don’t appear competent or charming, they will at least come off as that poor person who you would so like to help out. They have practiced this routine countless times. They have built this self image over a life time. They are ready to hook in to you. Just turn the other way and run as fast as you can.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

Reena got up thinking about her sister Tejas. She felt that what Tejas said was totally unfair. The bad feeling just built up within her. She thought of what she should tell Tejas the next time they met. She carefully planned out her response.

A few hours later, they met. Tejas was oblivious to what was going on in Reena's mind. Reena thought that she would just let that previous comment pass. She would not talk about it. She smiled and joined in the small talk. Yet, the atmosphere was tense. It was as if Tejas could read her mind. Reena felt that there was none of the cordiality that normally permeated their encounters. Then she became impatient and urged Tejas to put away her mobile because it was distracting her. Tejas said nothing. Reena felt guilty. She analysed the situation. What had happened now? It was her own bad feeling that made her act so tensely. Now what she feared was becoming true. A rift was developing between them. All because she had allowed the story in her head to get the better of her.

Do you think that our thoughts influence our relationships? Has the story in your head ever affected a relationship? Would you like to share that experience?

A mirror shatters

I was walking by the TV in our living room when a snippet from the iconic Bruce Lee movie  - "Enter the dragon" captured my attention. It was the legendary scene of the mirrors; Lee moving warily as the enemy hides amidst his numerous reflections. Then an idea enters Lee's mind that propels him into action. Though I don't remember it word for word, it went something like this - "Break the false image and the enemy will be defeated." I stopped in my tracks as I pondered about this precious wisdom.

People have an idea in their head about who they are. This self image is actually just a bunch of thoughts about themselves. Eventually people get so attached to these images that they gradually lose sight of their real essence. In ourselves and in others, these false images create barriers that separates'I' from 'you' and fosters enemity and hatred. I was being reminded that when we let go of the false images, the idea of 'enemy' itself dissolves. We are all one in essence. There is no enemy. 😊

Kite without a string

To be born as a human being is a unique opportunity to experience separation and limitation. Each person weaves his/her particular story and as such every individual is precious and a beautiful piece of the giant puzzle that is the universe. Eventually all of us will manifest our true potential. But at any given moment, there are hordes of people who are boxed in by false stories and leading a life of captivity and suffering. Ordinary people caged in by the dream of life, unaware of their true essence. This is the common man. I always felt a psychologist or a TA trainer or any therapist for that matter would lead people out of these nightmares and into the light of their consciousness. But apparently the focus is on supplementing one nightmare with a less daunting one. The mirage of “getting better.” So if one enters therapy or any “psychological program” under the illusion of being ‘x,’ you will be told how mistaken you are to be labeling yourself this way. ‘No, no, no, you are really only y. This is your new identity. Forget x, swallow y. You will come out all shining from the dark abyss you are wandering in.” This is the reality of many a training program or so-called therapy. Such a jolly circus of trading a walking stick for a crutch. Just a cursory mention of the fact that you have feet. Nothing on guiding people back to their true nature. Instead you are urged to focus on your shiny new crutch and count its holes and discard that walking stick because it stinks. Ya, it will feel good for a while. You are getting distracted. You have new hope. You feel like you are ‘making progress.’ La di la! You have gained ‘new insight.’ Meanwhile you are as far away from your essence as you ever were.

How far? Not even a second apart. You are your essence. You have just managed to put your attention on the moving patterns of your personality instead of easing into the background of your consciousness. It is so much more colorful than the ever-present substratum of existence. I am sorry, I digressed further than I intended. Let me guide you back. You, pure consciousness, have a ‘self experience’ all the time. By this I mean the experience of ‘I.’ A close analogy to self experience is the movie experience. The movie experience consists of the still background that we call screen plus the moving patterns that fall on the screen from the projector. Similarly, the self experience consists of consciousness plus the moving patterns of thinking, feeling and behavior that we call personality. At any moment, a majority of human beings are hung up on the moving pattern. Very few are aware of the still background. But moving patterns dazzle and hold our attention. We are captivated by the fascinating medley of thoughts and feelings that inhabit our mental landscape. In turn this shapes our response to the environment. The thoughts take the shape of an ‘I’ story. This is a bunch of thoughts that keep repeating in our heads – ‘I am Thehseen. I love biriyani. I hate papaya.’ and so on and on it goes. Mostly we are unaware of this process. Our attention has been so consumed by this mirage of an inner person that we become that inner person and act in programmed ways. These repetitive patterns of behavior shaped by earlier experiences are not appropriate to the challenges of the present moment. Hence our behavior falls short of our potential to act effectively on our environment. This virtual reality avatar then possesses the body and acts out its limitations. This very attachment and total immersion in the ‘I’ story is the cause of our suffering. The movement of attention back to the background of existence is essential to put an end to this. It is self evident that body, thoughts and feelings are constantly changing. Hence these belong to the realm of the moving patterns. The only unchanging part of us is consciousness itself. So take a journey into yourself. Know all that you are not. And what remains however improbable is your true essence. True in that it never changes. All the moving patterns can be observed. But the unchanging background of consciousness cannot be observed like an object. It is the subject itself. You can only ease back into your being (verb). Just be and observe your patterns of thoughts, feelings and behavior with compassion. This is the beginning of the end of suffering. Without knowing this dimension in you, you have nothing to anchor on. You were like a kite without a string. But now, remaining grounded in consciousness, you can explore your inner and outer world safely, discard ineffective patterns and procure new ones as you please. Secure in the knowing that you can never lose you.  

The reverie

The voices grew louder and louder. There were no gaps now. Spaces belonged to the soul. Mind knew neither stillness nor love. It churned out thoughts by the gazillion. The pauses were subatomic. Mind could not delve into such microscopic depths. The background of bliss was beyond detection. Fashioned from thoughts, there was the mirage of a continuous inner self. Such precious delusion that has enamoured every human! She couldn’t flee from its grip either. She eased into its familiar form. Every nook and crevice of it was comforting. Even the suffering was addictive. There was no escape from its inevitability. Millions had stumbled and fallen into the same abyss. Very few had awakened from its captivating reverie. The ones who did tried in vain to save the rest. But their efforts were met with disdain, even pure hostility. Some were crucified. Others wandered the earth and were condemned as ‘loonies.’ The virtual reality had spun its tentacles and its fascinating stories with such complexity that the web of deceit was now beyond escape. There were occasional flashes of sanity. These went unnoticed. Yet it did offer some reprieve from the unending pain of separation. Unity was a shell now cast upon the shore of life, an archaic relic that everyone shunned. To each, their own was the mantra on everyone’s lips. To compete, to divide, to fear, to control – these were the patterns that drove the dreamers. The awakened ones talked of the power of now. But dreamers shuttled from past to future and had no bearing on the present. Hooked to a constant feed of worries and anxieties, past pains and troubles, they meandered on in a haze. Thoughts and responses were now in a loop. None noticed the repetitive nature of it. Nor the preciousness of the moment. The awakened ones held their presence. Like lightening rods trying to save a collective burnout. But the voices were unrelenting. And the dreamers were hooked. Once in a while the suffering was so searing that someone woke up. As the momentum of the madness hastened, so did the frequency of those who sought to flee from its grip. These new ones would people the new earth. She however would be left behind. Because she caved in to the temptation of the abyss. She could not let go of the mirage. There were ample warnings. Her daughter was the first. But she did not heed. Now there would be no more opportunities for a while. For an eternity, she would abide in the darkness.

Tides

Millions of butterflies soared gently in the twilight of her mind. Relentless movement. Swish and swoosh. Warm, comforting. Unlike the people around her. Cold, distant. They too moved around swiftly. There was no pause. Stillness was her own. Frozen in her wheelchair as the world flowed by in undue haste. People were caught up in the web of doing. This to finish, that to plan. No time to just be. She had ample time. But her mind was just as busy. There was no rest there. Neither peace nor clarity. How could one exist without the other? Cute little babies, giggling while swinging to and fro. Then the darkness descended. She was drowning in it. She struggled to move her fingers. The mind and body were disconnected. There was no cord to pull her back into the realm of the living. She willed with every inch of her being. A small flutter of the little finger. This was precious. She was making contact. Words of euphoria waited impatiently to spill out of her mind into the vibrations of sounds. But they never escaped the prison of her vocal cords stiffened by Parkinson’s. A familiar figure appeared in the periphery. “Syndopa,” he whispered. This was the elixir of motion that this angel had come to administer. She opened her mouth and gulped the pill down. Redemption was near. For a while her fingers and feet would find their way out of their fetters. Desires could be voiced. Attention demanded. Her soul could manifest its authentic colours and paint heartily a vibrant picture in the world of people and doing. She could be heard. She could stir another’s heart and mind. Her thirst for life was indomitable. She was not willing to recede into the void. She could still make waves in the pool of life and land of the living. But one day, the elixir would cease to enervate her. One day, the waters of her life would become still forever. She wouldn’t think about that now. Not yet.

Transmutation

The luminous river of energy consciousness flows and occasionally finds a murky pebble of emotional pain in its path. As and when the loving consciousness holds it in compassionate attention, the pebble melts into the river in an ecstasy and the energy that was once trapped in it is released and rejoins the flow. The river flows gently, pristine, unperturbed. Some pebbles lie very deep within, unseen. Circumstances arise in our life to bring these pain pebbles to the surface where they can be seen and transformed. The unsurrendered mind sees such situations as painful and unwanted intrusions into its peaceful life. But the surrendered mind smiles wisely n enjoys the ecstasy. It knows that The One has a perfect plan. The surrendered soul is like an innocent child who trusts her mother so completely that nothing disturbs her peace. She plays, sleeps n dreams contently in the lap of Reality.

Islam promotes peace

There are certain universal ideals like truth, justice and compassion that most closed systems of beliefs subscribe to. Initially, most such systems emerge with the intention of remaining open and relevant and during this stage of purity can transcend barriers of time, space and human diversity and unify people in a genuine search for Truth.  Unfortunately, over time, these systems ossify into fixed structures that demand absolute loyalty and reject free thinking although they do retain seeds of truth that inspire the genuine seeker. Consequently, in the form it exists today, there is no single creed that fits all, be it Islam or any other.

People fashion their beliefs in the crucible of their life experiences and hence each person may be considered to be guided by a unique set of principles. It is human nature to believe that one's own ideology should be adopted by everyone else because it is superior. This fallacy affects all irrespective of whether they label themselves atheists, Muslims or environmentalists. So it is not surprising that a monstrosity such as Islamic State has come up that wants to impose their 'Islam' on the world. What is dangerous however is the fact that they have been allowed to single handedly appropriate the sacred symbols and terminology of Islam first through their violence and second through the eagerness to paint all Muslims with the same brush. The idea that 'Islam breeds terrorism' needs to be effaced by a powerful counter-idea that 'Islam promotes peace." It is in the interest of all peace-loving individuals that profess their faith to be Islam to envision, propagate and live this idea.

Virtual reality

We are consciousness-energy that proceeds from the One Absolute Eternal Source. As we accumulate life experience, we build neural connections in the brain that signify this information. One such important cognitive structure is the self concept, a neural network that holds all data on the self. The consciousness-energy then gets attached to this self concept and mistakenly identifies with it. This is the cause of all suffering. On self inquiry (who am I?), this is understood. The attachment to the ego structure is dropped in this moment of awakening which comes only by grace. Thereafter through compassionate witnessing, the ego structures melt away at a rate proportional to the extent of surrender in the individual to the One Truth. Thus there is end of suffering.

Lessons from nature

Over the course of my recent comic travails with gardening, I chanced upon the fact that when replanting seedlings, avoidance of root shock is essential to ensure a timely harvest. It seems that just as hostile stimuli like sudden grief can arrest the entire life of a human being, plants too respond to alien environments with shock and suspension of growth.

Challenging situations like death, divorce, emotional abuse, transfer etc. usurp much of our life force and soon we find ourselves unable to move forward. For years, people get stuck; yet even in this time, important lessons are learnt. If during such a turbulent period, a person receives timely support and care from loved ones, the duration of stasis may be curtailed significantly. So also, a plant will recover its growth rapidly if its roots are given a dip in a growth enhancer.

So if you find yourself in a pickle (as you will if you are human), reach out to someone - be it a compassionate friend or a benevolent higher power. It makes life that much easier. 

The I-story

Words in themselves cannot hurt, even the basest of them. It is the story in our head that gives that power to them. We have the power to change that story. We have the power to be happy and free. But first, we have to know the story.

From the time we are born, we are weaving the story of our lives - "I am Indian. I am intelligent. I hate rice. I am unloved, blah, blah, blah..."

Inwardly, the story takes the appearance of a person which we may call the "little me." This is the ego of the Eastern spiritual traditions. As you can clearly see, it is just a collection of thoughts running in loop. But boy, does this program have us hooked 24 x 7!!

The story is not just our primary entertainment, it is also the window through which we view the world. If we cannot identify the bumps, cracks and colors that adorn this window pane, we buy into a corrupt vision of reality. It is therefore very important to examine our story.

So have you inspected your "story?" How do you go about doing that? What prevents you from taking a closer look?

Real vs. Unreal

In the face of great emotional pain and ego death, what helps me hold on is the remembrance of these beautiful words from the Bhagavad Gita -"What is Real is never lost and what is lost is never Real."

We dont know who we are. Due to our life experiences, we gather a set of thoughts in our head (eg: I am Thehseen. I like biryani, etc.). These thoughts act like an inner person (ego) and we believe this is who we are. Then we get attached to the ego and we start defending our ego and that is suffering. So life and consciousness (with infinite possibilities) taking form of a body gets limited into the box called ego. Ego is just a bunch of thoughts, remember.

In our daily lives of egos interacting with egos, (my way versus your way), there is always emotional pain because egos get bruised. Then we cry and "suffer." And say "Oh my poor life. What is to become of me!!" Who is this me? You dont even know who you are!! You misidentify with ego and then cry when that is being taken away from you!! Can you see the absurdity of it?!

You think you can think your way out of it? No!! All thinking is more ego. You hav to be very still. Earnestly self observe. Stay in the NOW. Gently bring your attention into the physical sensations of body and breath to anchor yourself. Let everyone and everything be as they are. Surrender to life. And maybe by God's grace, you wil one day become aware of the gap between thoughts. And then these gaps may widen. Wisdom and love will flow from the stillness that resides in these gaps.

Every moment, you r you. Yet you never know you. You can never be an object that you can know. You are the subject. You can only know who you are not. You can never lose you (that which is Real can never be lost). You lose many things you know (what was lost was never Real).

So every time someone comes along and tries to make fun of your way and tries to impose their way over you, rejoice. Your ego has the chance to melt a little so that the Real in all splendor can shine more and more. How grateful we should be to these great teachers who appear in our life to release our inner awesomeness from the prison box of the ego.....

Relinquishing resistance

Whatever choice we make, we must do it wholeheartedly.

There are only two kinds of people in this world - ones who are open to love versus ones who need love desperately. Those who need love are always afraid. Their heart has closed due to fear and so love does not flow freely. When we see such a person, we must open our heart even more and allow a big wave of compassion to flow through our heart to them. Where there is love and light, darkness and fear naturally are absent. Love is not something that we shower on people depending on their merits or how they behave toward us. Love flows effortlessly when our hearts are open.

Our hearts are open when we are surrendered to God, peaceful in our faith that God will take care of us no matter how bad a situation may look. From that faith, we lean back and relax. There is no need to think too much. Rest in the moment because the only power in this world is taking care of us. Allow Him to. Then our heart wil remain open and through that gap, love will flow freely. Allow everyone to be who they chose to be.... Relax.....

Intolerance

The right wing wants to turn the debate on intolerance on its head. It wants to now cast itself as the victim of intolerance while its own intolerance wil henceforth only be called nationalism. It wants to redefine nationalism and appropriate all national symbols. The right wing will make an enemy out of any voice questioning anything connected with Hindu religion, its gurus, its practices, its symbols etc. so that it can position itself as the champion of Hindu religion. It needs only imagined slights to do so. It will vehemently oppose n deride any debate on its policies or its definition of nationalism. Debate, counter voices, and a different narrative - these are signs of a vibrant democracy but these are threatening to the right wing. The right wing takes the rational legitimate questions posed by civil society, intellectuals etc. and makes these questions look like violent acts against the nation. While its own violent acts against the nation like destruction and killing of persons and goods of minorities, killing of hindu intellectuals like Kalburgi, Dabholkar, Pansare for speaking against superstition; killing of Hindu dalits by upper caste Hindus; Dadri killing; making announcements that it is ok to kill those who eat beef thus dictating the most fundamental of personal choices which is food; changing textbooks and history to favour a divisive anti-scientific agenda; shift in foreign policy favouring colonial powers and corporate interests abandoning morality; an economic agenda that is bent on helping corporates grow at the cost of the poor farmers, labourers and environment, attempts to intimidate and suppress debate in universities, suicide of Rohith Vemula etc. wil be considered as defensive and naturally occurring responses against anti-national forces.

Thus the right wing wants to bring legitimacy to its claim that those who call them fascist or intolerant are the ones deserving these appellations. The right wing wil now claim that its adherents are being persecuted unfairly for imagined slights. They wil continue this hollow cry at imagined enemies until they silence every opposing voice so they can make India into a Hindu Pakistan. Fortunately there are a great many sane voices in India who see through their agenda and are bravely struggling to build an India that is inclusive, pluralistic n secular; an India free of poverty, corruption n greed; an India where everyone has equal  access to quality education healthcare n food - the INDIA of our freedom fighters.

This reform must begin from within

I appeal to Muslim leaders to fashion a code of conduct that is more in line with the true spirit of Islam. The Muslim law as it exists now does not embody the progressive ideals that Islam originally espoused. Many Muslim women are unaware of the rights afforded to them by Islam. If practised accurately, the Islamic injunctions place Muslim women in a dignified position at par or even exceeding that enjoyed by modern women. It is my humble request to all concerned that these just and peaceful principles be brought to fruition. The kind of Islam that terrorists practise will never become mainstream not just because they are a negligible minority but also because their views are myopic and contrary to the soul of Islam. But the phobic response to that threat can result in a violent rejection of all things Islamic by the non-Muslim world and to prevent this, Muslims have to wake up and make their peaceful voices heard.

The ABC of radicalisation

Terrorism is to be condemned outright and with no excuses. There is no honour in it nor is it justified. That being said, it is vital to understand the causative and contributing factors in order to put an end to this scourge.

Terrorists exploit a distorted version of religion to add a veneer of respectability to their violent designs. But the genre of the religion itself is incidental and has little bearing on terrorism. Whether perpetrated by a state or by a coalition of disparate scattered individuals who share common goals, a significant motive is revenge. They come upon genuine grievances but instead of addressing them in a mature, compassionate and creative way, their emotions overwhelm them and they descend to chaos and aggression.

As vital as it is to understand these grievances and redress them, there is another important component that can save lives. This is to make the learning of emotional and social skills a part of our academic curriculum. Only when exquisite minds trained to compete and succeed are conjoined with compassionate hearts, can the balance be restored and a peaceful coexistence envisaged.

Freedom

There is consciousness and then there are the objects of consciousness. U r consciousness itself. Not an object of awareness. When u observe a tree, u r consciousness and tree is the object of awareness. Similarly, when u observe a thought, u r consciousness and thought is the object of awareness.

Objects of awareness keep changing. But consciousness itself does not change. U r consciousness itself. U never change. No object of awareness can make u weak or strong or less or more. Nothing can b taken away from u. Nothing can b added to u. U are immutable, unattached.

The objects are always so fascinating. The stories that are woven are so interesting. One such interesting story is the "I story." What is this "I?" A bunch of thoughts that go round n round in loop. "I am Thehseen. I am suffering. I want to b free."

So this suffering "I" is a thought arising in consciousness. It is an object of consciousness. But consciousness itself can never suffer. This body, these thoughts, emotions (the impact of thoughts on the body) are all objects and they change constantly. But consciousness itself does not change. Reality, consciousness, aanandam - One without a second.

To experience this each moment without being deluded is freedom. Freedom for whom? Isnt consciousness always free. Then who needs to b freed?? Where is the soul that needs to be saved? What is this that we call soul?

End of games

Socrates said "Know thyself." I want to take a Transactional Analysis (TA) view of the importance of this wisdom.

One important aspect of suffering in human life is  the games that people play.  Games in TA language stands for unconscious manipulative behaviour that results in a psychological payoff of negative feelings for the people involved. I propose that people play games because they do not want to let go of the false idea of who they are. Everyone has an internal image of who they are. If this imaginary self is in congruence with reality, then the person is well adjusted. However if the self image is widely different from reality, there is unconscious fear to face this fact. This fear is mitigated by indulging in behaviour that will support the person's idea of the self image.

One way to do this is to project one's own personality flaws on to another. There are myriad ways that thus result in what we call games. So the solution is to face the truth of who we are not. In exploring that lies our salvation and an end to suffering.

A shining star

While unwittingly watching a short clip of a movie called "Stardust," I heard a most amazing sentence that rings positively true for me at least - "For a star to shine, her broken heart has to be mended." Our creative abilities stagnate as long as our hearts remain broken. No wonder so many of us do not reach our highest potential. I believe that every soul has a beautiful and unique song it needs to share with the world. And I had been living with an incomplete heart for many years, wandering in distraction, unable to sing my paeans for my Creator. Then, I was gently guided on to mindfulness and meditation and I began to reclaim lost realms of my heart. Now, every day brings with it generous bounties to be savoured at will. Thank you, God.

Caring or scaring?

In relationships, people are either caring or scaring. Scaring or s-caring as u notice has caring within it. But there is also another element. That of instilling fear in order to control. What is the origin of that? The psychology in the words of the s-carer is "Life is so beyond my control and scary. If only u wil do exactly what i tell u to, i wil hav some element of control over life and i can b a little at ease."

So in relationships, when people start micromanaging their loved ones, they do it out of fear. Caring is unconditional love, support and compassion. Scaring has some caring in it but not a whole lot: It is as u can see for yourself all about the scarer and not u. 

An explanation

My previous poem 'Mysterious guest' can be found here: http://tryzt.blogspot.in/2017/07/the-mysterious-guest.html?m=1

This poem is about lovingly meeting our emotions. The mysterious guest is past pain. She presents as an ache in the heart. The general tendency is for us to turn away from it because it is so uncomfortable. But distraction only makes the energy stay stuck. We can instead place our attention gently on the physical sensation of the stuck energy or heartache. Allow it to be without resistance. Without wanting it to go away. Then the feeling softens. Continue to feel the physical sensation of it. Compassionate nonjudgmental witnessing. There may come a flash of insight into the mind. About the reason behind the stuck energy. You can express it. Maybe by crying. Maybe by writing. Or in any way that helps. As you meet your full experience with awareness and acceptance, the energy becomes unstuck. It then integrates with the main energy flow. This is often felt as a blissful feeling. Now you are more whole than before. This is the integrated Adult. What we did was integrate a fixated Egostate. Then another one may show up after a while. And the process continues. And we become more n more whole again. Infinite potential.

The mysterious guest

Knocking on the door of your soul,
Pressing against it with all her might,
This sad song you must not fight.
Welcome her with love
Into your heart's alcove.
She carries a secret treasure
To be bestowed at her leisure.
Apply no pressure
To change her or make her leave.
Dont let her become your pet peeve.
Gently allow her to be.
Open your eyes and see.
Listen to her lyric.
Shy away from being a critic.
Her words are ancient;
Remarkably prescient.
When her golden curls unfurl,
Read eagerly from her scroll.
Mysteries of the past
Are revealed long last.
Don't be in a hurry!
Do embrace her story!
If you stay with her for a while,
Her frown effaces into a smile.
When no longer under any duress,
She eases into your caress
In a time of timelessness
And the space of spacelessness.
The bliss of union permeates
Every nook and invigorates
As she seamlessly merges
Into the depths of your soul.

A tribute to Harpy's Child

The wounds of the body draw attention.
The wounds of the mind yield derision:
Festering, ever painful, hidden
Waiting to be healed and ridden
Of shards of rage and blisters of sorrow
Lurking beneath hope of a joyful morrow.
An aching heart cries out in exasperation,
Only to be banished in frustration
To a gloomy exile
Amidst words that rile.
These sad overtures are in vain
As companions flee to avoid pain.
"Keep your chin high," they say
"Get rid of emotions that overstay!"
Yet the heart does not relent
From the inner torment.
The veneer of respectability
Holds its own against every scrutiny.
At once a monster and a benefactor,
A killer of your spirit yet benevolent
Picture perfect yet malevolent,
Nursing you while crushing your heart;
Contradictions abound tearing you apart.
Tears well up unseen
In memory of actions that demean;
This pain too shall silently subside
For in whom will you confide?
If the hand that rocks your cradle
Be the hand that smothers your soul
What chance do you have of survival
Of finding support, of revival?
Who wil believe your tale?
Pull you up when you fail?
Don't look outside for hope
They cannot lend you a rope
In the dark night of your soul
Only you can make yourself whole.
Learn to dig deep
And gently seep
Into the treasures of your spirit
That exude wisdom without limit.
Ease into the peace of your being
That is the end of your suffering. 

People contain in themselves multitudes

People contain in themselves multitudes,
Of varying beliefs, feelings and attitudes.
Of a singular entity, there is no certitude:
At once nurturing and critical,
Alternatingly rational and irrational;
Suddenly rebellious, then compliant,
At times a Parent, next a Child,
Many facets drop in and out,
Through the mind's revolving door.
Fools chase after such passing clouds,
Hold onto old grievances and what nots,
A long lost love, a fleeting joy,
Life's enchanting ensnaring ploy.
Today I whisper sweet nothings,
Tomorrow I mete out cruel beatings
Yesterday I laughed, now I weep,
There is no permanent I to keep.
The wise know this simple truth:
People contain in themselves multitudes.

I

I long for solitude.
The world deems this a limiting attitude!
But I exist only
In the intervening quiet spaces
That elude them.

Amidst the barrage of tumbling words,
In the silence that hangs like a Damocles sword,
I find my salvation.
Neither an object nor a subject to be
I just am.

Nothing sticks to me:
Not even ties of love or hate
Not even the threat of an unknown fate.
I flow invisibly
Gathering no moss
Incurring no loss
Blissful and free.

An archaic letter

Dear grownup,

I prevaricate. Did u have to look up the dictionary to make sense of that? Ya, that's typical me. U hav to do a lot of hard work to decipher me. I speak in long-winded noncommittal sentences in low tone so that I can express myself but I don't have to face the risks that arise from being understood clearly. This is how I survived childhood. I was sure to get hurt if I expressed any emotion, opinion or need with clarity. So I made it very difficult for anyone to understand me. This way I could say what I wanted to but nobody would reject me for expressing myself.

I came upon this idea by chance. A few times I mumbled incoherently when mom asked me something. She couldn't really make sense of anything so she put her own words into it, made it her own and she was happy with it. This way I could say anything and she would be happy. Yay, jackpot, I thought. If I stick with this style, I will never get hurt. It was very funny how people read their own desires and needs into their interpretation of what I said. Grownups would come n ask a question and then they would rephrase it n say "so u said .....huh?" and I would nod. Or even better, I would repeat their version of it aloud. Mostly what they said reflected their own wants. Even then I was amused to note that. I learn a lot about people that way.

I do the same when I write. I use esoteric words. My dialogues are evasive. Poetry is even better. I have written about all my turmoils in my poems. My pain stares right at you in the complex imagery and metaphors yet you would not understand a thing. I hide in plain sight. Wil u ever catch me? If u do, wil u hold my hand or wil u reject me as they did?

Yours sincerely,

Child

Being ok with uncertainty

Ability to tolerate ambiguity is an essential part of every creative process. In that blessed moment at least, we are nothing but awareness examining the contents of our inner psyche or outer world with studied aloofness. Nothing is left unquestioned. Inner and outer worlds fuse together into one entity – content. All that is left is the process of being aware and the content it becomes aware of. Suddenly there are only two parts to our experience of life – awareness and content.

No thought is a hindrance unless it ossifies into an identity. Identification breeds attachment and with that fetters are placed on infinite potential. Suddenly the promising bubble of possibilities pops into a person. Limitations abound. Ideas are lost in the jungle of mundane ‘I’ thoughts. Reluctance to let go of any content becomes a stumbling block to the creative process. Ideas that overstay become identities that weigh down our options, cloud our minds. New stories can be written only on blank pages. Prejudices and pet notions are like overcrowded margins and ink-stained pages that mar any fresh writing. Attachment is a bane that suffocates the creative soul.

At the moment of creativity, we cease to be a person. All limitations of thought, feelings and personality are abandoned with compassion. We become okay with not knowing. We willingly fall into the abyss of nothingness. Floating free, we are pure awareness gazing at the work of the Creator. It is a moment of overwhelming beauty.

Happy New Year!!

Dear Friend,

It has been a great pleasure to have you in my life. Thank you. The past year has been part of the grand adventure of life - exploring, finding meaningful connections and evolving. I made a promise to myself some time ago to not take things too seriously and let life unfold unfettered. Have I honoured it? Well ….

There has been many a time when the business of life seemed overwhelming. Yet in part due to that earlier resolution, I have allowed events to unfold without too much resistance. This decision helped tremendously to stay grounded. As years roll on, I have become better at it. Now the thought of opposing the current of life seems so counterintuitive. The river of life flows beautifully with pristine precision and I am no longer a tiny speck of rock relentlessly trying to curb its momentum. I am swimming with the tide, cheering her on.

I do not remember when I made this cognitive switch but boy am I glad I did! I want to clear some myths that the idea of surrendering to life invokes in most people. I have not given up on making plans, being responsible, standing up for my rights, having fun or working hard to achieve goals. Being OK with life is just to stop wasting my energy trying to block something that has already happened. This leaves that energy open for effective problem-solving and so much more. This means that if something I don’t like happens, I don’t ruin precious moments of my life ruing over the injustice of it. I acknowledge the event and my feelings over it. Then I take creative action. A part of this journey has been the lesson of forgiveness.

Have I perfected this? Of course not. But I forget less now by God’s grace. So what now? Who knows? It’s a great mystery and I am all set to go. All I know is that I am in perfect hands. Ever grateful to the One who never lets go. And thank you so much for being part of this grand journey. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead full of love, joy, prosperity, peace and good health…

Thehseen