Pain is gain?

 

A sense of foreboding engulfed me.

With a heavy heart that cannot see,

I fumbled and tumbled to flee.

Soon darkness spread across the sea.

She was buried alive and so she wept

In the tomb of rationality whilst she slept.

Her cries were muffled, secrets kept

Her appearance grew more unkempt.

 

She lay still in the prison of unawareness

With no space for her ebullient playfulness.

She dared not reveal her tears

Or any of her pitiful lame fears.

Yet they could not wipe her out;

With her little resources she fought.

From her courage was wrought

The blade of pain that struck

Ceaselessly until they could not ignore.

It was no longer like before.

Now her silence was no more;

Her voice steadily grew into a roar.

The blade cut swiftly through reason

Pouring forth emotions exiled for treason.

The world stood still as she spoke

Thunderously through the clouds

Of confused thinking.

The condemnation was swift;

Between companions the rift

Was complete and love sent adrift

Upon the logs of piety

To appease an unknown deity,

Where it vanished in the sea of sadness.

As the blade grew no less sharp,

A scar that they could not wrap

Bled profusely through the polite crap

Of social etiquette and cultural trap

That the world felicitated with abandon.

 

There was no running away

As she beckoned now and then

Relentlessly and I heeded.

I peeked at her with reluctance

Approaching her with prudence

Initially shrinking with horror

From the crimson red dark terror.

With perseverance I realized

Her beauty and compelling reality.

Every time I saw her

My heart grew softer

Until it gave way to love.

With this renewed tenderness

I gazed upon her and held her close,

Longing to be one with her.

We stayed for eternity in our embrace

Knowing that she had my own face,

Was the living embodiment of my pain,

Until all that hurt bloomed into blissful gain.

The Fertile Soil

The soil eagerly prayed,
For the seed to be laid.
She had long been in turmoil,
With her many days of toil.
Though she was ploughed through,
Not a single sapling grew,
Only ugly worms burrowed through.

The soil yearned for his presence.
After a thousand years of penance,
There was yet no sign of grace,
Her heart was an empty space.
Into this void would he enter,
To be lodged in her heart's center?
An answer only he could render!

Suddenly the heavens burst forth,
With mighty thunder and froth.
Rain splattered heavily,
Lightning stuck her steadily.
As rocks were crushed into pieces,
Water splayed through her crevices,
She bore his caresses and teases.

Into this moment of creation,
Surrendering with renewed passion,
She unfurled her wily curls,
Going back and forth in twirls.
Heaven and earth were one,
And she had finally won
A fair place under the sun.

A heavy heart

The heart that weeps,
The wound that seeps,
The profound leap,
That faith is yet to keep.
Lillies that float in the sky
Amidst angels that sigh,
Butterflies in the blue sea;
Imagination wild and free.
Hopes that abscond
Like frogs in a pond;
Croaking for rain
To assuage the pain.
Orchids that bloom
Beyond winter's gloom.
Wings of swans spread
To escape from the dread
Of the sudden dark cloud
That springs upon the loved
One's luminous face,
Even while matching her pace.
Shoulders that droop
And words that loop;
Mind in a soup,
Pouring out in a torrent,
Thoughts that torment,
Swirling fears that never cease;
For a heavy heart knows no peace.

The silent song

How would you hear the song of my heart
If your soul was not open to it?
The symphony of my love falls on deaf ears
The myriad hues of my warmth and compassion
Drowned out by your emotional blindness
It does not matter if I weep silently or aloud
Your heart can feel neither my joy nor pain.
Days and nights go on in vain
This silence driving me insane.
Like little clouds dispersing in a breeze
This heavy feeling too will cease.
Then life will go on as before
Like busy crabs trailing ashore.

A tribute to Harpy's Child

The wounds of the body draw attention.
The wounds of the mind yield derision:
Festering, ever painful, hidden
Waiting to be healed and ridden
Of shards of rage and blisters of sorrow
Lurking beneath hope of a joyful morrow.
An aching heart cries out in exasperation,
Only to be banished in frustration
To a gloomy exile
Amidst words that rile.
These sad overtures are in vain
As companions flee to avoid pain.
"Keep your chin high," they say
"Get rid of emotions that overstay!"
Yet the heart does not relent
From the inner torment.
The veneer of respectability
Holds its own against every scrutiny.
At once a monster and a benefactor,
A killer of your spirit yet benevolent
Picture perfect yet malevolent,
Nursing you while crushing your heart;
Contradictions abound tearing you apart.
Tears well up unseen
In memory of actions that demean;
This pain too shall silently subside
For in whom will you confide?
If the hand that rocks your cradle
Be the hand that smothers your soul
What chance do you have of survival
Of finding support, of revival?
Who wil believe your tale?
Pull you up when you fail?
Don't look outside for hope
They cannot lend you a rope
In the dark night of your soul
Only you can make yourself whole.
Learn to dig deep
And gently seep
Into the treasures of your spirit
That exude wisdom without limit.
Ease into the peace of your being
That is the end of your suffering. 

People contain in themselves multitudes

People contain in themselves multitudes,
Of varying beliefs, feelings and attitudes.
Of a singular entity, there is no certitude:
At once nurturing and critical,
Alternatingly rational and irrational;
Suddenly rebellious, then compliant,
At times a Parent, next a Child,
Many facets drop in and out,
Through the mind's revolving door.
Fools chase after such passing clouds,
Hold onto old grievances and what nots,
A long lost love, a fleeting joy,
Life's enchanting ensnaring ploy.
Today I whisper sweet nothings,
Tomorrow I mete out cruel beatings
Yesterday I laughed, now I weep,
There is no permanent I to keep.
The wise know this simple truth:
People contain in themselves multitudes.

I

I long for solitude.
The world deems this a limiting attitude!
But I exist only
In the intervening quiet spaces
That elude them.

Amidst the barrage of tumbling words,
In the silence that hangs like a Damocles sword,
I find my salvation.
Neither an object nor a subject to be
I just am.

Nothing sticks to me:
Not even ties of love or hate
Not even the threat of an unknown fate.
I flow invisibly
Gathering no moss
Incurring no loss
Blissful and free.

A tale of love

Life is beautiful. Its myriad hues of pain and joy interspersed with moments of heightened awareness and fatigued stupor certainly warrants appreciation. Here is a poem in the mores of TA.

A tale of love

She, the love of my life,

The thorn in my soul,

How can I hate her?

Yet to love her is a sin,

Made in heaven.

This is the curse

I have to bear till the grave.

From this hell,

God alone can save.

The physical abuse,

The emotional abuse,
The covert sexual abuse,

The pain and anger and hatred,

These are excruciating

But I overcome them.

It is the love that truly defeats me.

Not hers, for she can never love

There is neither empathy there nor conscience.

She will use me till I drop dead

And then weep over my listless head,

Yet I will willingly die for her

That is the secret and the dread.

This hidden desire to throw away

My precious life,

For her cruel play.

It is my love that defeats me

I ever drown in this sea

Of my emotions,

Which I carry for her,

This sickness that blackens my soul,

None can erase this love so foul.

“Please help me!”

A cry from the depths of my soul:

The Child within weeps

Trapped in this forbidden love.

A greater love does exist

And this is the happy twist

That will efface the horrors of my tale.

This devotion for that presence

That envelops every sense

Will dry my eye

And draw out a smile.

Into His glory I will melt;

All my burdens will be smelt

In the fire of this divine love;

The ore of shame

Will yield a heart of gold.

En route to this haven of mine

There are pitfalls of pain;

The path is steep to traverse

Yet lit with His amazing grace;

Thirst quenched by snaking rivers,

And guided by Parental stars,

The Adult carries on in hope. 

The temple priest

In the temple of my frame,

I am the sole temple priest.

I scrape and scrub

Every filth and scum

To fashion from the rough

A luminous empty space.

At this mysterious alcove,

I wait with bated breath

For the return of my Lord-

A promise made in Heaven.

I stand guard night and day,

Many an impostor I chase away.

Separated from my Beloved;

Years, I spend in mourning:

With a heart full of yearning,

I await His homecoming.

Neither sun nor moon can imitate

The splendor of His divine light.

At times, darkness comes upon me

When I forget and fall asleep.

Then I wake up in a fright,

Heartbroken from a sickening thought -

“Did He visit when I was asleep?

Or could it be that I failed to know

The many times He came into my sight?

Was I so smitten by the world

That I recognized neither His Face nor Word?”

In panic I set upon to cleanse,

The murkiness of my inner lens.

At last I raze the weedy fence

To let in some light and sense.

Then I stand guard yet again

Braving every storm and rain

To glance upon my Beloved’s face. 

A Cloudy Day

Dark clouds have drifted past the horizon
And descended into the clear blue sky:
Soon the hope of light will fade
And gloom will descend upon
The soothing warmth of sunshine
Extinguishing it mercilessly.

Not a single life in sight, alas!
Even the omnipresent crow has disappeared.
Moments trickle past in haste;
The day will soon vanish
Into the realm of history.
It will never see another bird
In flight or a colourful sight;
Its dreams of glory die a silent death
As reams of clouds scurry
Past the horizon and into the clear blue sky.

Thoughts

O fleeting visitors from the unknown,

Whizzing past at the speed of light,

Illuminating dark recesses of the mind,

Fruits of deeds that hands have sown.

Is not thought the parent of action?

Mother of words, stepfather of reaction?

Caught in the torrent of thoughts,

Men sway like helpless paper boats,

Set upon the sea of life,

Full of anguish and inner strife.

This eternal temptress of the heavens,

Springs upon us to prod and pry,

Like an enchanting butterfly,

She flutters from mind to mind,

Sometimes cruel, sometimes kind.

Men of wisdom from days of yore,

“We will tame her too,” they swore.

In a thousand years of endless travel,

Yet dawns a night of peace:

In that elusive moment of silence,

When The Truth chooses to grace,

Secret treasures of the soul unravel.

Eternal Star

On a clear starry night,
There once was a magical sight,
A single star grew so bright,
Glowing wisely in her own light.

With soothing words and tender thoughts,
Soon she captured all our hearts,
Every lonely creature felt her warmth.
Venus held her luminous arms,
Mercury succumbed to her charms.

All the planets jilted the sun,
And fled to this glorious one.

The angry sun summoned a cloud,
In sharp cruel words thundered aloud:
“Go and ambush that new star,
I will watch you from afar!”

Edged on by his overlord
Descended upon her this dark cloud,
Shrouding her from all and sundry.
Venus hid her face in shame,
Moon cried and felt so lame.

But judicious Jupiter could not be fooled
And spoke thus, “This is just a passing cloud.
When this dark night is gone,
Another day is to dawn,
Grieve not over this eternal star.”

Transformation

An overwhelming fear of losing ground,
A fall into an abyss of obscurity,
Wherefore do these waves wash ashore;
Heavily laden with mysterious contents.

The deep-seated flower of virtue
Shines forth, its beauty undiminished.
Time cannot caress it nor make it grieve;
It exists not to the tainted eye.

It is time to let go of all that I held so dear,
Let all fly loose with unfettered cheer.

O, the joy of mitigated burdens,
Of a lighter heart and clearer mind,
Of shared love and brighter morrows.

Inner Space

A flash of anger, rains of sorrow,
Black holes that drain you hollow;
Inner space unexplored inviting
Turmoil, irresistible unending.

Comets of fury shower at will,
Space and time are relative.
Bright new stars born to die,
A death so gruesome;
Its dust remains as hope scattered.

Not many ships dare to tread,
This wilderness beckoning to be revealed.
A multitude of stars adorn the path,
Like beacons of love guiding the way,
For a painful probe into its mysteries,
Welcomed and loathed in the same breath.

The sun and moon betray the earth,
Eclipsing each other at intervals,
Robbed of light the earth is veiled in a gloom;
It cannot defy either of them.
Indebted forever for the light they give,
The earth goes around them devoted.
Sometimes her tears enrich her fields,
Sometimes it drowns her seeds.

More meteors have scarred Venus than earth,
Her beauty is an illusion; her grace a myth.
Many are the mirages that vanish,
When you venture in for a closer look.

The Wall

The wall seemed to say:
“Come here, you are mine today.
I gave you warmth
When the sun was gone;
I shaded you from the heat
When it was dawn.”

“I am not young any more,
I don’t need your shade like before.
I want to see the sun,
Go out, have freedom and fun.
Your walls seem to close in,
Strangling the very essence of my being.”
She was so distraught,
Nevertheless she fought.
The wall seemed to have softened;
It did have a window that beckoned.

The light streamed in a golden hue.
The wall whispered,
“The sun is a dream only I am true.”
Beads of silver tear flowed down as she wept,
To venture out into that glorious world her tiny heart was set.

The wall knew in the silent night,
She wouldn’t give up without a fight.
The wall loved her with all its heart;
It unlocked its door with a dreary thought:
What if she didn’t return?
Out there was so much to learn.

In her freedom she reveled,
To new heights she traveled.
In the great outdoors she thought she would sleep,
But woke up to find a wall more steep.

Enchanting Solace

O sweet wind,
Of soft whispers and gentle caresses,
Would you stay for a while?

Would you cool my grief-stricken eyes,
And bring pearl drops to my parched lips?
As you careened past the desert sands,
Did you scrawl magically on its surface?
Of the million lazy etchings you made,
Was my beloved’s image one of them?

Hush! Mighty Oak tree, shed
No more of those rich-toned leaves,
That twirl past it in your pursuit.

Shun those lascivious red roses
Newly blossomed awaiting you,
To spread its enchanting scent;
Lest it taints my beloved’s breath,
That you bring from a faraway land.

O mellifluous wind,
My beloved companion,
Would you stay for a while?