APD and symbiosis

Here, APD refers to both antisocial personality disorder as well as the person who has that personality disorder. It is characterized by a blatant disregard for the rights and sensitivities of the other, violation of social norms and in extreme cases even criminal laws. In this article, I describe the garden-variety APD – the noncriminal APD. These masquerade as victims and feed on the energy, time, vitality and well being of others around them. Hence I refer them to as wolves and their victims as sheep.

At first, APD wolf establishes symbiotic relationship with the primary sheep. The primary sheep is the current central victim – the source of vitality from whom the APD will receive strokes, recognition and satisfaction. This could be a singular person or a group of persons. There will always be plenty of secondary sheep and a particularly unfortunate candidate called the scapegoat.

APDs can smell blood. Meaning, they generally have more than average intelligence and are usually keen observers of human nature. They use this to fit in and pick on the ones suitable for their feeding. The gimmick that falls for the APD con is the need to nurture, contribute, to be appreciated and recognized. The primary sheep will have negative NP. Or the primary sheep may be having self doubt and questioning own worth or reason for existence. APD’s Child immediately recognizes the chance to have a symbiotic relationship. In the first order symbiosis, the APD Child establishes a symbiotic union with the Parent and Adult of the primary sheep. APDs do not have an NP. They also briefly experience psychosis. In the secondary symbiosis, the P1 and A1 of APD bonds with C1 of the primary sheep. The primary sheep’s somatic Child derives satisfaction from the attention of the P1 and A1 of the APD. The nurturing provided by the APD is therefore over the top and has a dramatic quality to it. It is also ridden with magical thinking. There is also plenty of manipulative behaviour from the LP of the APD to keep the primary sheep in custody.

First off, the primary sheep will be charmed. Bombarded with strokes. There will be outlandish praises. Key areas of weakness in the primary sheep will be immediately noted by APD and exploited with vigor. APD presents as a victim. Usually complaining of neglect from other family members. Or sweeping primary sheep off their feet with the APD’s carefully constructed aura of vulnerability. The APD confesses some weakness which they are sure that only the primary sheep can cure them of. They will beg, implore and lure the primary sheep’s ego to hook into its need to feel important and competent. The primary sheep will be convinced that all others have failed the APD and they alone will be able to offer APD the magic cure. “Poor little APD! What a cruel world! If only others showed more understanding. I will help you. I will give you the attention that you need. I will cure you, blah, blah.”

For the APD, this is a well-orchestrated game that they have played over their entire lifetime. Many are the primary sheep who had their vitality sucked up, shriveled and died. Thus casting them away after their use, APD moves on from sheep to sheep.

Meanwhile the primary sheep is in ecstasy. The APD shows signs of improvement. They shower the primary sheep with praise. “You have finally done what others could never do. I am changing. I am making progress. Blah, blah.” Primary sheep’s ego is satisfied. But they never know that this game of “getting well” has been enacted countless times and will never reach the expected outcome.

The APD upholds for others and in their own mind a false self image. “A poor defective person trying hard to survive, needs help. Oh help me! They are rejecting me. Please save me.” They are great players of Wooden leg, Stupid, Poor me n “gee you are wonderful.” They are parasites looking to feed on the other person’s generosity, time, and energy. They even use religion to give themselves a saintly aura. They want to cruise through life doing nothing worthwhile but always giving off the image of striving hard. A true Try Hard-er. At worst, the APD appears to the others as an eccentric person, mildly irritating but nevertheless harmless. “Oh the poor sod!” But no! The APD is a vampire and very dangerous.

They will stab the primary sheep behind their back just for the fun of it. They will spread rumours of the primary sheep’s incompetence and may even ruin their career or family life all the while smiling and praising them. After the initial blitzkrieg of strokes that suit the primary sheep’s stroking profile, genuine strokes will be hard to come by. This shoddy behaviour is especially reserved for the one referred to as the scapegoat. They will sing songs of praise about areas that the sheep does not care about. This makes the APD look like a nurturing saint to the general sheep. Meanwhile after 10 plastic strokes, APD will give one counterfeit that pokes the goat straight in the sorespots. Nobody will notice. Even the scapegoat will be left gasping. This is a great boost of energy for the APD. This satisfies the APD’s need for drama. Their stimulus, structure, incidence, contact, and recognition hungers are very high. They need constant drama. The primary sheep will be fattened up and may not notice the cruelty of the APD. The scapegoat suffers silently. They have no words to describe what is going on. It is all so subtle. It is in the tone and nonverbals, and happens behind close doors.

APDs take away precious time and resources that could have been spent on another well-deserving person. APD gives off the image of being extremely caring with their P1 in overdrive. But at best, it is like a kid playing mother or father. Their care is insidiously oppressive n engulfing. They violate boundaries with impunity. They have no respect for personal space. Your attention is fully theirs to enjoy. Any deviation even if it is for your basic necessities will be perceived as an aggressive act. This will turn on the vengeful Child of the APD. An APD scorned is a force to reckon with. They will not finish off the primary sheep as they need to continue to feed on them. But the scapegoat will be punished mercilessly. Their reputations maligned. Their weakness exposed and laughed at. The APD will befriend and recruit the allies of the scapegoat to kick the scapegoat. The very people scapegoat worked hard all their lives to bond with, will at the behest of the APD, hurt the scapegoat. APD’s ogre will be unleashed.

APD is a disorder of the will. The lack of will to switch on their empathy. The lack of will to behave decently. The lack of will to care for the feelings of others. The lack of will to play a benevolent role in society. The lack of will to contribute anything selflessly. The lack of will to work towards goals. Instead they immediately go for the easy way. The manipulative behaviour to make others do all the hardwork and feed on their resources comes naturally to the APD. These people seem to have open-ended scripts. They have something I call negative Be Perfect and Please Others. They don’t have the skill or will to be perfect or please anyone for any significant amount of time. But they are notoriously good at picking on the faults of others and encouraging others to please them. If the APD is not pleased, a tantrum is inevitable. Or silent rage. Or withdrawal. An attempt at suicide. Anything to get the primary sheep to put out and start feeding again. Or they will do these things anyway, just to enjoy the drama of it. They love these negative strokes and negative feelings. It makes them feel alive. Their optimum arousal level is way too high. So they need a huge boost to feel anything.

This is hard on everyone around them. APD cannot be counted upon. They will not remain stable. They will not do anything really significant. They are good at putting on a show of doing a lot. But usually they will recruit the scapegoat to do all the work and to take on all the blame. They themselves on the other hand want to cruise along, enjoy the limelight, play “Poor me” and feed on the generosity of all they can deceive.

APD say what they never do and what they do they never say. And they are great at first impressions. If they don’t appear competent or charming, they will at least come off as that poor person who you would so like to help out. They have practiced this routine countless times. They have built this self image over a life time. They are ready to hook in to you. Just turn the other way and run as fast as you can.