Everyone has a different way of doing things and everybody makes mistakes. When living with other people, it is important to give them the room to err. If a home is to become a haven, a place to relax and rejuvenate, this is especially important.
I am not talking about major sins here, just common things like forgetting your mobile or spilling coffee. Home ideally is where someone is not breathing fire down your neck every time you make a silly mistake.
The intention behind correcting someone is mostly good but at home this assumes a whole new dimension and meaning. If a person is capable of doing something, for example, drink coffee 99 out of 100 days without spilling it then he/she has the right to mess it up at least one day without having to worry about it. This is not the time to jump in and teach them your perfect way of drinking coffee. What it will only serve is to make the other person feel impotent. It destroys their self esteem. Then he/she will have to constantly look over their shoulder for fear of being ridiculed or criticized and strive hard to be perfect in everything. That is the best case scenario. Mostly it serves to reinforce sloppy behavior and create resentment. It may even lead to complete indifference. Needless to say this causes a lot of unnecessary stress and deteriorating health.
Parents who behave like this will raise either a perfectionist or at the other extreme, an incompetent person who is incapable of assuming any responsibility for fear of failure. Spouses who do this will either be burdened with all the responsibilities or have partners who hate to come home.
All you have to do when someone makes a small slip is look the other way, pretend like it never happened. You refrain from taking the corrective action. Let them sort it out, make necessary adjustments themselves. What you are saying to the other person when you do this is that you trust them to make their own choices. This gives a boost to self confidence and creates a peaceful atmosphere. By letting small things slip by, mothers encourage innovation, free thinking, ability to experiment, think out of the box, and many such vital skills needed to be an exceptional person in their kids. In a marriage too such an attitude can work wonders. It promotes adventure, spontaneity, establishes respect and trust, and makes a loving home.
I am not talking about major sins here, just common things like forgetting your mobile or spilling coffee. Home ideally is where someone is not breathing fire down your neck every time you make a silly mistake.
The intention behind correcting someone is mostly good but at home this assumes a whole new dimension and meaning. If a person is capable of doing something, for example, drink coffee 99 out of 100 days without spilling it then he/she has the right to mess it up at least one day without having to worry about it. This is not the time to jump in and teach them your perfect way of drinking coffee. What it will only serve is to make the other person feel impotent. It destroys their self esteem. Then he/she will have to constantly look over their shoulder for fear of being ridiculed or criticized and strive hard to be perfect in everything. That is the best case scenario. Mostly it serves to reinforce sloppy behavior and create resentment. It may even lead to complete indifference. Needless to say this causes a lot of unnecessary stress and deteriorating health.
Parents who behave like this will raise either a perfectionist or at the other extreme, an incompetent person who is incapable of assuming any responsibility for fear of failure. Spouses who do this will either be burdened with all the responsibilities or have partners who hate to come home.
All you have to do when someone makes a small slip is look the other way, pretend like it never happened. You refrain from taking the corrective action. Let them sort it out, make necessary adjustments themselves. What you are saying to the other person when you do this is that you trust them to make their own choices. This gives a boost to self confidence and creates a peaceful atmosphere. By letting small things slip by, mothers encourage innovation, free thinking, ability to experiment, think out of the box, and many such vital skills needed to be an exceptional person in their kids. In a marriage too such an attitude can work wonders. It promotes adventure, spontaneity, establishes respect and trust, and makes a loving home.
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