There is a quiet cataclysmic wave sweeping through young middle-class Indian households shaking their budding marital lives to its foundations. At the root of this is the changing role of women in matrimony coupled with the reluctance of the Indian male to evolve. 
In a typical middle-class family with global aspirations, girls grow up with equal opportunities as boys. In the race for academic excellence and thereafter successful careers, women are barely exposed to societal prejudices and limitations. Of course, along the way there is a faint realization of male hegemony but nothing prepares them for the shock of marriage and the sudden exposure to the blatant biases that follow.
The privileges and attention that a son-in-law enjoys stand out in sharp contrast with the duties and responsibilities that bog down a daughter-in-law. The bride’s family leaves no stone unturned in welcoming the groom into their household. Meanwhile the onus is on the girl to fit into the boy’s household. Overnight daughters have to blossom into meek demure ladies while sons too unrealistically have to metamorphose into gentle leaders ready to wield much domestic power. Needless to say both are unprepared to meet these expectations. The initial euphoria clouds these issues until suddenly they seem to manifest out of nowhere with the arrival of the first child.
The months spent out of employment, pre and post labour starve women of intellectual stimulation and intelligent company. This coupled with the usual postpartum depression and overt meddling by elders in the raising of the baby makes a deadly onslaught on a woman’s self confidence and independence. As the time to return to the job inches near, women find themselves torn between priorities.
Little does the new father realize that raising a child is not a skill that comes naturally only to the mother but is in reality like any other job which requires time and effort which he is as qualified as his spouse to take up or share in. So deeply ensconced is he in this myth that society has propelled for ages that he does not make any effort to contribute or falls disturbingly short of the requirements. He also fails to understand the reasons for the change in his spouse and retreats into the shell of his career trying to justify the aloofness with the added monetary burdens.
The solution lies in a fair division of labour and rotation of chores so that no one person is burdened with any mind numbingly monotonous task. There should be a realization that all responsibilities from going to the bank to changing the diaper can be done by either person. Having chartered a reasonable course of action, the pair should refrain from belittling each other or trying to push anyone’s style or method down the other’s throat. There will be some areas in which one person excels or fails miserably. After years of practice, in time a fair situation will be arrived at. I have seen a few couples who have been bold enough to make this quantum leap but in time hopefully this will become the norm and chauvinism will be a thing of the past. Until then bliss only belongs to those households where women have managed to carve their own niche in spite of the overwhelming odds by embracing the old adage that renunciation is the path to success.
In a typical middle-class family with global aspirations, girls grow up with equal opportunities as boys. In the race for academic excellence and thereafter successful careers, women are barely exposed to societal prejudices and limitations. Of course, along the way there is a faint realization of male hegemony but nothing prepares them for the shock of marriage and the sudden exposure to the blatant biases that follow.
The privileges and attention that a son-in-law enjoys stand out in sharp contrast with the duties and responsibilities that bog down a daughter-in-law. The bride’s family leaves no stone unturned in welcoming the groom into their household. Meanwhile the onus is on the girl to fit into the boy’s household. Overnight daughters have to blossom into meek demure ladies while sons too unrealistically have to metamorphose into gentle leaders ready to wield much domestic power. Needless to say both are unprepared to meet these expectations. The initial euphoria clouds these issues until suddenly they seem to manifest out of nowhere with the arrival of the first child.
The months spent out of employment, pre and post labour starve women of intellectual stimulation and intelligent company. This coupled with the usual postpartum depression and overt meddling by elders in the raising of the baby makes a deadly onslaught on a woman’s self confidence and independence. As the time to return to the job inches near, women find themselves torn between priorities.
Little does the new father realize that raising a child is not a skill that comes naturally only to the mother but is in reality like any other job which requires time and effort which he is as qualified as his spouse to take up or share in. So deeply ensconced is he in this myth that society has propelled for ages that he does not make any effort to contribute or falls disturbingly short of the requirements. He also fails to understand the reasons for the change in his spouse and retreats into the shell of his career trying to justify the aloofness with the added monetary burdens.
The solution lies in a fair division of labour and rotation of chores so that no one person is burdened with any mind numbingly monotonous task. There should be a realization that all responsibilities from going to the bank to changing the diaper can be done by either person. Having chartered a reasonable course of action, the pair should refrain from belittling each other or trying to push anyone’s style or method down the other’s throat. There will be some areas in which one person excels or fails miserably. After years of practice, in time a fair situation will be arrived at. I have seen a few couples who have been bold enough to make this quantum leap but in time hopefully this will become the norm and chauvinism will be a thing of the past. Until then bliss only belongs to those households where women have managed to carve their own niche in spite of the overwhelming odds by embracing the old adage that renunciation is the path to success.
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