Responsibility

Thought, speech, action—the three pillars of life—are responsibilities to be undertaken with great deliberation. People in positions of authority need to exercise these tools in a noble manner that encourages unity and peace. This seldom is the case and often, powerful men leave a blazing trail of violence behind them owing to their incendiary remarks, foolish demeanour, and muddled thoughts. The politicians in Jammu and Kashmir have played their vitriolic games vitiating an already virulent atmosphere.

Human beings are a crude mixture of good and bad qualities. It is always best to concentrate on decent behaviour and hope for positive reinforcement though murkier details are often more exciting and hence easily publicized. Thus the mass media holds great potential for promoting welfare or mischief depending on the nature of their priorities.

Violence breeds more violence. Mahatma Gandhi realized that perfectly when he fought British colonialism with Ahimsa. Truth, justice, patience, forgiveness and all virtues alone can overcome the endless spiral of hatred and war. When we fight with what is best, even our enemy will incline towards peace. These are not just lofty ideals to remain enshrined in the Quran or any other such religious books. It is pragmatic to adopt it sincerely in our daily lives if we are to succeed as a nation. Only peace can bring prosperity and progress to the beleaguered territory of Jammu and Kashmir.

All that is black is not foul

As someone once said, change can either challenge or threaten us. A casual glance at a busy street in Kochi today reveals an eclectic crowd with khimar-clad women dominating the scene. Barely three decades ago, this exotic attire was a rarity. This visible transformation is but a harbinger of a deeper evolution.

Quran was a distant but deeply revered symbol of Islam then. Today it is widely read and understood.

Viewed superficially, these changes appear to represent a deepening diversion of Muslims of India from an earlier more local form of Islam. Therefore it is viewed with suspicion and as a distancing of Muslims from Indian culture and traditions. What essentially is the truth behind the scenes?

It is very important to acknowledge that the diversity of Indian Muslims is such that all cannot be painted in a single brush stroke. I am primarily taking a closer look at those who appear to be very conservative on the outside (wearing khimar, etc.) but there are hordes of Muslims who do not wear their religious identity on their sleeve but still adhere loyally to its tenets. There are also many who shun it completely and are Muslim only in name. The reason I am examining the former class of Muslims is because they are easily the clearest targets of Islamophobia and are viewed with suspicion and denigrated even by other Muslims.

(It is the fear of the unknown that primarily evokes this response. Then there is the inherent human affliction of believing in the superiority of our own beliefs and looking down upon anything seemingly alien. The fact that both the conservative and liberal camps are very aggressive in promoting their brand of belief does not help either. But I am digressing …)

The war in the Middle East (Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan), the destruction of the Babri Masjid, Srebrenica, the Gujarat riots have all significantly altered the outlook of the Indian Muslim. There is bitterness and fear. Nevertheless, it is a clear understanding of Islam that has led to a complete rejection of terrorism and prevents many an ignorant victimized Muslim from succumbing to its temptations. The newfound grasp of the meanings of Quran has only led to Islam in India becoming a more vibrant, rich, and living religion compared to an earlier mindless ritualism and ignorance.

Now, Muslim women armed with this knowledge are educated, tech-savvy, and aware of their rights. They reject dowry and demand their mehr (money paid by the bridegroom). They reach out to the poor and uneducated and strive to uplift them.

Muslims fulfill their civic duties and wholeheartedly respect, cherish, and celebrate this country that has given them their freedom and opportunities. It is the duty of every Indian citizen to work towards the betterment of our nation but for a Muslim it also becomes a religious duty. Now is that bad?

Silence of the lambs-the ground reality

Muslims have always shied away from establishing a single powerful body of leaders that can truly represent their hopes and aspirations. This has at once been our boon and bane. We believe that the Koranic teachings alone can serve as an adequate guide and have eschewed the showering of power on fallible mortals. Busy eking out daily lives, Muslims have largely shunned the stray small-time leaders who have tried to make their presence felt. While the lack of leadership prevents gross misuse of authority and large scale mischief, it has left a huge void.
This glaring difference from other organized religions is little understood. When there are riots involving Buddhist monks, a single declaration by the Dalai Lama that he stands for peace makes a world of difference. So the larger community is immediately absolved of any complicity and blame falls on a few miscreants. Similarly catholic interests are protected by the Pope. But in the case of Islam, anybody who makes noise immediately grabs media spotlight and is unwittingly portrayed as speaking for the whole community.

In truth, Islam wants to prevent such a scenario of power being held in the hands of a few because of the degree of corruption and exploitation that this can lead to. In spite of this, unwanted media attention on self-proclaimed leaders has marred this legacy. Anybody who reads the Koran fully with an open heart will understand that Islam does not stand for terror. Not only that, it is highly inclusive and exhorts moderation in all things and supports healthy competition with other religions. It is pro-science, pro-life, and pro-democracy. It also promotes tremendous respect and tolerance for other religions. This is the ground reality. In India no matter what the international media might say, our Hindu friends know this because they see it all around them firsthand. Compare this with the media view of Muslims being cloistered, fatwa-declaring maniacs with little tolerance for any other religion. By selectively illuminating the bad apples and keeping out the successful silent majority, a negative halo has been cast around Islam and a question mark on the loyalties of Muslims.

It is common knowledge that media focuses its attention on where the dirt is but in this case unwittingly, it has played right into the hands of both the terrorists and the Islamophobics. So endless rhetoric between these two groups hog the limelight and we poor daily-bread earning, 5-time-praying Muslims are colorless mute spectators. Over the years, what has this led to?

Number one: In countries where Muslim populations are less, perceptions about Muslims are shaped by media content and not by how the majority lives as there is hardly any personal contact. So, predictably, many Americans and Europeans are actually buying into the media view. Muslims really were hoping that common sense would prevail and we would be judged fairly but now we are beginning to fear that this might not be.

Number two: Now this is a scary one. What if some gullible Muslim youth fueled by the media portrayal and false arrests and constant monitoring and anti-Muslim riots and genocide start thinking about terrorist groups as being their allies (either u are with me or against psychology)?
Number three: What I know firsthand is that ordinary Muslims are really scared and sad now, that the whole world has a wrong image about us, that no Muslim will be given a visa to US, that people might look at us weirdly because of our attire, that good opportunities might pass us by because of our Muslim names, etc. etc. Muslims everywhere are just getting out of their homes and telling the world that we stand for peace (even the first Islamic TV Channel is called Peace TV). We are shouting from the rooftops that Islam teaches peace and not terror. We are willing to wear our ‘peace’ on our lapels. Is anyone listening?

Just say NO

Learning to say ‘no’ is very hard but it is an essential part of life. The art of saying no with the right touch of apology yet retaining your sense of dignity is a difficult one to master.

The first step is to pick your priorities in life and stick to it like a leech. Of course if you have made poor choices, life will steady you until you get it right but once you have understood them, nourish them and never let go. Only a fool will let trifles make him lose sight of a treasure.

It is crucial to dedicate the right amount of time to nurture your priorities and prepare towards chosen goals. As time is a limited commodity, it becomes necessary to refuse showering it on less deserving subjects.

After mustering up enough courage to decline an offer, care should be taken to do it gently without demonstrating any self-righteous anger or untoward guilt. It should be done quickly and firmly without unsavory justifications. Beware of your mind’s tendency to put the blame on someone else.

Once you have succeeded in uttering the dreaded words, it is important to never look back and wonder about what would have been. Let go of it like a bird released from a cage to freedom, never to revisit or mourn over.

Devoid of unnecessary remorse, this simple task can be lifesaving. With a lightened heart, unburdened by needless thoughts or actions, return immediately to what deserves your sincere attention and you will definitely succeed.

To err is human ..

Everyone has a different way of doing things and everybody makes mistakes. When living with other people, it is important to give them the room to err. If a home is to become a haven, a place to relax and rejuvenate, this is especially important.

I am not talking about major sins here, just common things like forgetting your mobile or spilling coffee. Home ideally is where someone is not breathing fire down your neck every time you make a silly mistake.

The intention behind correcting someone is mostly good but at home this assumes a whole new dimension and meaning. If a person is capable of doing something, for example, drink coffee 99 out of 100 days without spilling it then he/she has the right to mess it up at least one day without having to worry about it. This is not the time to jump in and teach them your perfect way of drinking coffee. What it will only serve is to make the other person feel impotent. It destroys their self esteem. Then he/she will have to constantly look over their shoulder for fear of being ridiculed or criticized and strive hard to be perfect in everything. That is the best case scenario. Mostly it serves to reinforce sloppy behavior and create resentment. It may even lead to complete indifference. Needless to say this causes a lot of unnecessary stress and deteriorating health.

Parents who behave like this will raise either a perfectionist or at the other extreme, an incompetent person who is incapable of assuming any responsibility for fear of failure. Spouses who do this will either be burdened with all the responsibilities or have partners who hate to come home.

All you have to do when someone makes a small slip is look the other way, pretend like it never happened. You refrain from taking the corrective action. Let them sort it out, make necessary adjustments themselves. What you are saying to the other person when you do this is that you trust them to make their own choices. This gives a boost to self confidence and creates a peaceful atmosphere. By letting small things slip by, mothers encourage innovation, free thinking, ability to experiment, think out of the box, and many such vital skills needed to be an exceptional person in their kids. In a marriage too such an attitude can work wonders. It promotes adventure, spontaneity, establishes respect and trust, and makes a loving home.

Growth Pangs

Truly the problem with reading a good piece is that it rubs off on you. It is a subliminal influence which is hard to shake off. This is true about matters beyond the world of books. A strong personality certainly evokes something in us that we cannot ignore. Our yearning for individuality and untainted success is such that we revolt against any outside force however benign it may be.

In teenage, when a young mind hitherto under parental domination strives to establish its cornerstones and defines its dimensions, this manifests itself as rebellion. The fear of not having a separate identity is very close to the fear of death as both are evoked by the threat of complete annihilation. A cornered animal in mortal fear will certainly fight back. So indeed an undeveloped mind supervised relentlessly by parental figures will lash out. It merely tries to assert its freedom, its right to exist, but in the face of what it perceives as continued subjugation, violence can erupt.

The time span in which an immature mind evolves into a fully developed one varies from individual to individual. There are late bloomers and early prodigies. Some never even grow up. Most do, by the end of the turbulent teenage years. For some it extends into their 20s or even 30s but growth is a necessity and the sheer agony of it persists until the process is completed.

Ideally the sole responsibility of a parent is to provide a fertile ground in which a young mind can grow fearlessly. The parent nourishes the blooming sapling with kindness and encouragement and pours love gently in adequate measures (remember! too much water and a plant will droop down and need a permanent support). Weeding out the garden is a complex process that should be undertaken with the utmost care but it is necessary and should not be shunned for fear of hurting the plant. An impressionable mind should similarly be discouraged from wayward behavior albeit tenderly. Each mind has unique needs and great attention is required to assess its qualities and requirements. Only an adult mind can nurture a fledgling and help it reach its potential. If parenting is attempted by an immature mind, its own deficiencies will get in the way of the young one’s growth and neither will be emancipated.

A mature mind is always an inclusive one. Having shed its fear of nonexistence, it now gains the strength to observe, learn, and assimilate from other minds without bias. No opinion however divergent from its own can shake it as a might oak will not be blown away by the evening breeze. Undaunted, it welcomes all life towards it and revels in its freedom to examine each idea closely; partakes in the varied joys of nature but yet retains its unique flavor. It becomes a source of shade, strength, and refuge for all.

O tender one,
A whole new world hides within you,
That is infinite, beautiful, and true;
Shed your fears,
Wipe away your tears,
And grow towards the sun.

The whole world waits breathlessly,
For you to advance into the light;
The earth guards you in a tight embrace,
The wind flows at a soothing pace.
With kind words that nudge you along,
With small hurdles that make you fight,
All life forms hover impatiently.

O gentle unborn,
Tire not, persevere.
The magnificent watches over you,
Gracious, irresistible and true.
Clasp firmly with your tiny hands,
This refuge that is so near.
Plant your roots deep,
With generous helpful deeds.
Relentlessly toil,
Enrich the soil,
This bountiful harvest you can reap,
When at last you go to sleep.

Religion of Peace

I condemn the violence perpetrated in the name of Islam. It is the duty of a Muslim living in any country to follow the law of the land. This is a solemn covenant which entitles all non-Muslims to the right to peace. It also means refraining from belittling whatever faith others follow. Unless there is great injustice and persecution and breaking of the covenant leading to complete subjugation of Muslims and inability to practice Islam, there can never be a call for a war. This completely overrides the flimsy logic of terrorists and exposes their un-Islamic justifications of violence.

My prayers and sympathies lie with the victims--ordinary people, both non-Muslims and Muslims--who die innocently in vain. I have great love for my country and I value the freedom and privileges that it offers and my endeavor like that of all Muslims would always be to make it a better place through education, Ahimsa (nonviolence), and other benign means.