When forms dissolve

 

I was talking with someone whose perception towards a loved one (LO) had changed. He experienced this as being very painful. He described himself as being so loyal to the LO that he would not have hesitated to kill or die for her. He was suffering from the classic symptoms of grief. He had a story in his head about who she is which collapsed when she behaved in a particular way. He then went through the culturally programmed process of grief. I invited him to recognize that his story about her had emerged from his unmet childhood needs which he readily acknowledged. The story then became a barrier which prevented him from recognizing her true nature or seeing her behaviour as it is. In the space that emerged when the story gave way, he now has the opportunity to see clearly. In the uncertainty of not having a definite idea about who the other is, he could stay live to what is.

I gently reminded him that his or her true identity is not a story. A story is a set of thoughts that run together. It could be about who we are, who others are, about situation, etc. When we observe, we become aware of it. Thus staying as the awareness that is observing, we recognize that story is an object of awareness and is thus a particular form. All forms by nature change. That a form can endure forever is a misconception that humans hold on to. From this misunderstanding, arouse the thought whether he would lose the form. From that fear came and the need to hold on to the form. When this was thwarted, arouse grief. When he realized all this and was reminded of his own true nature, grief gave way to peace.

This needs to be read with a bit of background knowledge on the nature of who we are. If we identify ourselves with the story in our head about who we are instead of our essence, we suffer. Recognizing ourselves as the awareness that observes is the beginning of freedom. Recognizing another as the same consciousness and seeing their behaviour without distortion is love.

We tend to forget our true nature and falsely identify with the stories in our head. All of us do that unless we are enlightened beings. To recognize that all dysfunctional behaviour arises from that forgetting is forgiveness.