Of frogs and princes

TA claims that we are all born princes and princesses. Script-ridden people have mistakenly identified themselves as frogs having been cursed to forget their pristine identity.

Ideally TA therapy should lead to a disavowal of this false image and reclamation of the exalted true self. For this, first the script-ridden people have to be encouraged to look within themselves and become aware of the beautiful self lurking beneath the false identity. By thus shifting attention from their 'frogginess,' slowly these people recover their royal form. The frog mask withers away like a mirage. The therapist plays an important role in cultivating this shift by focusing on the princely qualities through attributions, modeling and permissions. Thus the therapist holds a very powerful position in TA group therapy. The counselees are vulnerable at this point and in a highly suggestible state.

If however, the therapist chooses to focus on their frogginess, ridiculing their green habit and warts n all, the counsellees wil start getting attached to their frog identities. The more they hate their warts and remain unaware of their princely true self, the more adamantly they will cling to their 'frogginess' and will therefore be averse to any change. Then the counselees will spend months and years cleansing their green bodies with TA tonic n shampoo and gaze wistfully at their wart-ridden bodies in the false mirror held by the therapist. No frog will turn into a prince this way. The way out is for therapists to focus on the princely qualities and point to the existence of the princely self and hold a shining mirror to this true self. Then the counselees will readily relinquish their illusory 'frogginess' and become the princes and princesses that they are.

We can’t heal what we can’t feel

Emotional pain is not something we can work through in a day and hope to live happily ever after. Pain appears when we least expect it. We don’t get to prepare for it. It just comes up as and when situations we deem as stressful arise in our lives spontaneously. These seemingly insufferable situations are the opportunities for healing. At these times, the pain comes up to the surface for us to engage with it. We can’t heal what we can’t feel. So we allow ourselves to feel deeply. Whatever the emotion be. We feel the physical sensations. All the while gently reminding ourselves that we are consciousness itself and not the sensations or thoughts that arise in it. Rooted in our awareness, we go about our lives as usual. This is the only preparation that is required. And suddenly the pain comes up and we say “Ok, you too are part of this NOW. Hello! What message do you bring?” Meanwhile we keep cultivating positive growth-oriented thoughts that can reap rich dividends in the form of goal-oriented appropriate behaviour. Let our every step be purposeful. Oriented towards our spiritual and personal goals. When we focus on the positive, healing will still take place in the background naturally. It is going to happen intermittently. It is part of your daily life. So just ease into the present moment. Don’t be in a hurry to just get it over with. Just allow everything to be and flow peacefully with life.

Try grabbing with open hands!

I have often wondered about the way Muslims do dua - open hands raised up. Sitting here in my living room, taking in the fresh breath of a new dawn, an idea downloaded into my mind. Thought of sharing it with you:

As a personality, I feel that I am continuously being made and unmade. Sometimes being stripped to the very core. Sometimes embellished with patterns of thinking, feeling or behaving that I never knew existed in me. So also the other objects in life - beauty, disease, health, wealth, poverty, skills, etc. come and go. Things people perceive as painful are easier to let go of for obvious reasons. Of course there are also addictions to certain painful stimuli that people can develop. But for the most part, people are more attached to the objects of pleasure. But life is evanescent. These objects fade in and out like the words on a ppt. Perhaps the hands remain open when in prayer as an indication of this constant flow. Instead of clasping what we receive and refusing to let go, we ought to keep those hands open to allow these blessings to grace our lives as well as ready to let them flow out with ease when their time runs out. It is scary for the egoic personality to really accept the fleeting nature of these objects. But fear and grief does not touch upon the deeper part of us - our essence. By remaining centered in that part of us that remains unchanged - consciousness - we surrender to what is in peace. How to connect to that stable part? Stay in the NOW, follow your breath, feel your bodily sensations, become aware of your awareness and root yourself there. God bless. 

Temple of our soul

Each moment our body is sensing various stimuli and sending messages to our brain. If we stay alert and rooted in the present moment, we can become aware of these sensations. They hold vital clue as to how our body is responding to the environment. When our mind is floating to the past and future, we  remain ignorant of this important information and thus our behaviour will not be situation-appropriate.

To illuminate this, let us consider a scenario: Manjula is a 30-year-old married woman who works from home. Her mother-in-law (MIL) is very socially active and has countless guests dropping in. Before raising her awareness, Manjula used to be at the beck and call of her MIL. She would be asked to entertain and feed and humour the guests. Even though she had countless other affairs to attend to, she would oblige (passivity - overadaptation). Consequently, her physical, mental and emotional health would suffer and she fell ill often. After Manjula started practicing moment-to-moment awareness, her behaviour changed. When she began paying attention to her physical sensations, she understood that she resented these intrusions upon her time and energy. Her shoulders were tense, jaw was clenched. As a result of understanding the needs of her body and mind, she established clear limits to the amount of time she would spend with her MIL's guests. It would be just enough to be courteous but not so much that it would intrude upon her life. She no longer felt like a Victim. She reclaimed her rightful power and hardly ever fell ill again.

When we ground ourselves in the NOW and are in touch with our body, we have access to the intelligence of our body. Our body becomes our friend when we respect its needs. And it will support us beautifully through life. 

A blessed new year!

Looking back at this vanishing year, my heart swells with gratitude. I feel blessed to have shared time and space with so many amazing people. Yes folks, I refer to each one of you who have stepped into my life even if briefly.

People unfold in all shades and colors. This is the beauty of life. At our very core resides perfection. In each person, this light shines through in varying hues and magnitude. And we traverse the river of life in a journey of perfecting the manifestation of that light.

At times, the light waxes and wanes in all. But we who serve the light will hold our wings of compassion over those flames that flicker so that the rainy day may pass and the light may dazzle anew another sunny day. As a fresh year blooms, may we all be blessed in perfecting our radiance!

Thank you all for your presence and kindness. Peace to all! Happy New Year!!

Existential angst

I thought I would just rant about the impossibility of being me. But then I started thinking "hey is this statement factually correct?" And all the steam went South.

Can't write a single solid opinion before a plethora of counterarguments rush into my brain! Let's see what happens when I start thinking about one tiny weenie viewpoint about some topic. Immediately that just melts into a hotpot of a thousand views with the whole 360 degree scan going round and round in my brain.

I am so jealous of people who are so sure of "this is the only way it can be." Wow! I can't even decide who I should support in a conventional hero-villian movie. I mean honestly the villian isn't all blameworthy nor is the hero all blameless. Don't grill me! I see only in shades! I have never met an evil person. Nor have I met a good person. I see a lot of shades of grey.

If someone decides to take me along to argue their point in a debate they are gonna have, they are done for. I am nodding my head to both sides of the argument. It is like I step out of my skin- the little ol me- and go footloose and fancy-free into the big world of infinite possibilities. And everything seems plausible.

It gets so bad sometimes that I wonder how any word can be spoken out aloud. Such inadequate representations of reality. This is why I love silence. It is so wholesome.

It is just insufferable to be me. Wait, that ain't totally right... Well here I go again..

The silent song

How would you hear the song of my heart
If your soul was not open to it?
The symphony of my love falls on deaf ears
The myriad hues of my warmth and compassion
Drowned out by your emotional blindness
It does not matter if I weep silently or aloud
Your heart can feel neither my joy nor pain.
Days and nights go on in vain
This silence driving me insane.
Like little clouds dispersing in a breeze
This heavy feeling too will cease.
Then life will go on as before
Like busy crabs trailing ashore.