WHEN TWO WORLDS MEET

This is an age of expression. With the blooming of social media, people can increasingly reach out and communicate their deepest ideas to a wider audience at the click of a button. Is this the death knell for the introvert or is this the perfect time to be one?

Extraverts bloom in the presence of others whereas introverts peak when they are alone. Our educational, occupational, political, and corporate business systems all favour those who can mingle with ease and communicate effectively. Ergo, it is an extravert’s world. Some even view with suspicion and ridicule those who shrink from social contact. So it seemed that there was no space to be an introvert anymore. Then the lockdown happens. Social distancing is the new norm. People are able to interact with the outside world only through a technological interface. Have the tables turned?

Internal world vs. external world

Large families that are bursting at the seams offer no opportunity for seclusion. In schools, introverts are bullied. Their psychological boundaries are violated in the name of normalcy. There are of course introverts of various hues and degrees. Yet on the whole, they feel more deeply than extraverts. They also take in a lot more. They reflect more. Thus introverts end up expending a huge amount of energy. They feel drained in crowds. They feel overwhelmed by the enormity of their internal processing and have difficulty understanding their own emotions. Consequently they do not express their own needs.

Emotions offer us clues as to what we require. Extraverts interpret this information naturally and meet their needs readily. They also have much less data to deal with as they are not the quiet observers that introverts are. Therefore the world does not tire them out. They are energized by interactions with the outside world because this is where they can express and fulfil their requirements with ease. They are appreciated for the exuberance and vitality they display. They too come in all shapes and sizes. Introversion and extraversion lie on a continuum and we have people who are anywhere in between. However for the most part, extraverts have poorer understanding of the needs of others. Introverts on the other hand are attuned to other people to a greater degree and therefore offer empathy and support instinctively.

In short, extraverts know what their own requirements are but they struggle to figure out the needs of others. Introverts on the other hand excel in fulfilling the needs of others but are unaware of their own. Both have their place in the world and both succeed in their respective spheres of influence. Both are unique, precious and to be loved for who they are. Does this mean that change is not required and they just have to revel in their own strengths? This would have been true if it were not for the suffering.

SUFFERING

Extraverts suffer when their relationships fail because of their poor understanding of others. Introverts suffer when their own needs are not met because of their inability to identify and vocalize their own needs.

A WAY OUT

It is possible to end that suffering with awareness. Being present in the moment, observing self and others without judgment, both can ease their burden. By being mindful of the verbal and nonverbal behaviour of others, extraverts can overcome the deficit of empathy. By being mindful of one’s own body sensations and learning to interpret them as signals of requirements and learning to verbalize them, introverts can begin to fulfil their needs. A balance has to be cultivated in our mindfulness of our internal and external worlds. Extraverts are masters of the external world. Introverts are masters of the internal world. Both will benefit by gently turning the light of their awareness on their unfamiliar worlds. We stagnate when we do not face challenges. When we explore new worlds, our life expands and we discover new potentialities that help us soar higher into excellence.  

You are the missing piece!

A New Year Wish!

Variety is the spice of life. As long as I can remember, I have delighted in the diversity of human beliefs, values and opinions. The uniqueness of every individual is precious. Man’s ability to perceive reality in a multitude of ways touches my heart. I believe in the basic goodness of human beings.

My heart rejoices every time I think of the divine spark that resides in all of us. Sometimes this shines through in people with such beauty. In others its expression may be dulled by the travails of life, yet each person manifests their energy upon this world in their own way. With this deep connection in mind, I have interacted with people whose behaviour spans all shades, with equal respect and love in my heart. I have hated many a behaviour at times but loved the individual. This did not mean that I took hurtful behaviour passively. I spoke out as much as it was effective.

Now too, in this climate of fear and uncertainty, I feel I must speak out some hard facts. Today, I went to the mosque and in light of the CAA (Citizenship Amendment Act) being passed, the Imam spoke of patience and peaceful action. Being a Muslim, I have interacted with 100s if not 1000s of Muslims over my lifetime and listened to many a sermon at mosques. It gives me great pleasure to assure you that always the message was to uphold peace. In my personal life, I have never heard any Muslim speaking to me of harming the nation or its people. In fact, I have heard many profess of their deep love and pride for our country. This ground reality is quite different from the image of Islam and Muslims that is projected in the media. Sometimes it is made to look like each one is a savage ready with the right amount of provocation to break out into terrorism. This could not be farther from the facts.

I do not profess to represent Islam or gauge the pulse of all Muslims, but at least the many Indian Muslims I have met have never expressed any desire to become terrorists. I write this unabashedly not because I want to clear the name of Islam or because my identity lies with being a Muslim. I don’t believe in constraining myself into boxes like that. I see only beautiful divine sparks but that is another matter. Anyway, I speak out only because I fear that because of the misunderstanding that is now prevailing about Muslims, great mischief could break out and violence may be perpetrated against them.

If Muslims are seen as less than human and as a threat to the nation and as outsiders, ordinary people would not hesitate to use violence against them. I came to this conclusion rightly or wrongly after the blood lust and chest thumping that was exhibited in the wake of the Hyderabad rape accused killings. Our society now seems to be at the brink of applauding cruelty if the right justifications can be made. With the systematic othering of the Muslims perpetrated endlessly by the social media through crude jokes about their attires and supposedly multiple wives, we are now I fear reaching a dangerous tipping point.

I hope I am completely wrong and such things would never occur. I have hordes of friends of all religions and belief systems in whom I have faith. But some voices sadden me, even when I can appreciate the diversity of it. I hope Savarkar’s India never comes to pass. I hope our unity in diversity does not disintegrate into uniformity. I hope love triumphs over fear and hate. It may be that my misunderstanding of the Hindu right is equally grave. That they too are the victims of an overenthusiastic media. I hope to hear their voices too expressing their facts. That they never mean to take away rights and citizenship of Muslims like Savarkar wanted. That they too just want to live in an India where people of all religions co-exist with mutual respect and peace. This is my prayer for the New Year.

Thank you for your patience and great understanding by which you have let me stay in your life. I feel extremely blessed to have you in mine. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead full of love, prosperity, good health, joy and peace!!

With love,

Thehseen Zakir

When the apple falls...

I was enjoying the laziness of this Sunday morning, wading in its soothing vibrations, when this thought occured to me. How we choose to experience our karma is quite akin to what we will decide to do with an apple that is falling towards our head after we have thrown it upwards.

Some of us may  have compared karma to Newton's third law of motion. Therefore, the energies that we put forward come back with the same force. Quite like an apple we have thrown overhead.

Someone asked me the other day of what happens to the karma of those who repent their sins. It must have stayed in my unconscious like a germ and now suddenly the answer sprouted in the calm air of an unhurried morning. Well, if you throw an apple upwards and you become aware of what you did and become well prepared for its return, you could catch the apple in a basket and bite into its sweet deliciousness. If you keep denying you threw an apple straight up into the sky and stood where you were vehemently, it just falls on your head and voila, you know what that entails. With awareness of our behavioural patterns, come fresh choices like the cool breeze of this blessed morning.

Words that point back to The Truth

Silence is very wholesome. Words seem futile as they immediately negate half the truth. They are broken symbols that elude perfection. Yet words are all that we have for now. When I utter a sentence, I have taken a stance and immediately I am pitted against the opposing argument. Through these absurdities, an identity of half-truths is bred. What was indescribable and complete has now been broken down into shreds and I become then a possessor of this piecemeal identity.

Thus through a web of errors, my self concept is built. This is a bunch of thoughts that I have about myself. "I am Thehseen. I love to write. Blah, blah..." I make pronouncements that underscore this self concept and it grows through interactions, consequent verbalisations and continuing feedback. It grows so monstrous that it then engulfs the reality that it was supposed to be only a representative of. Truth is forgotten. Half-truths fly around like a swarm of flies that encompass the sweet fruit of our essence. In this confusion, people float around like rotten seaweeds unable to anchor themselves in the pristine waters of life.

Once in a while, through sheer exhaustion from the turbulence of life, mind comes to a standstill. Then these fallacies fall away and truth shines through. This need not be the state of the average man.  Through a dedicated effort to stay in the moment, witness the inner and outer space, and feel own bodily sensations, man can go beyond the shackles of self concept and uncover the sweet taste of real self. Transactional Analysis can be an elegant tool that can enhance this attempt and pave the way for this recovery.

Happy 2019!

Hello!🙏🏻

Thank you so much for your presence in my life irrespective of the amount of time we have spent together this past year. The moment has come for another of those messages I send every year. Please bear with me…

A friend once told me that I have a lot of strength inside me. I didn’t really understand it at the time. It was not about me being powerful. It was about that strength that all of us have inside us which we tend to forget about from time to time. That is when we unawarely talk about how other people and situations make us feel weak or angry or helpless or victimized.

This is perhaps the one single thing that got underlined with every experience this year – ‘I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions.’ I think my TA trainer said it so many times that it finally practically filtered down into the realm of reality situations. Of course, I may slip for a while but I think I am getting better at this. As you know, challenges may appear out of the blue. And earlier I was like “Why now? Why me? Blah, blah…” Now I am like – “Oh, this has happened. What can I do with it to make my life better?” Funny as it is, there is always something good in any crap situation. Smart thing is to get to it right away. Ruminating about how bad it is, about how this should not have been and that should have been, etc. etc. – all waste of time and energy.

This acceptance of what is happening is Islam for me. Islam as you know literally means surrendering peacefully to the will of God. This of course does not mean smiling when you get slapped and taking on more abuse. It is about saying that “I have the right to be treated well and I have the power to choose my response to this.” Then, I do something fruitful about it and either remove myself from a harmful situation or if that is not possible I work at getting better at the way my body, mind and spirit respond to what is going on. Harming myself or another person is never an option. If I cannot handle a situation, I will walk away.

Sometimes it is not possible however. And in these tricky situations, I know for sure that I have all the resources to handle it. I don’t just have faith. I know from experience that all that I require is given. You must have heard me saying this but I reiterate – “God gives us all that we require but not all that we desire. If we desire only what we require, there is no suffering.” Sorry for bringing that up again but it is a reality for me. I don’t blame God for what people do. I am responsible for my choices and so is everyone else. That is what life on earth is all about.

It is very painful to watch people make decisions that harm themselves. But I can be responsible only for my own actions, thoughts and feelings. I cannot take away another’s power by running their life for them. It is indeed sad to see self or others go through the consequences of our ill-conceived actions. But there too, I see opportunities to grow and evolve. It can even become a joyful experience if we follow the formula of accept, look for the good in it and get right down to milking it. How that applies to your life, only you know. I am only here to remind you of how strong you really are.

I hope this message was not too sombre. I wanted to talk of how there is light hidden even in the darkest corners of life. Sun sets so that stars can shine. And you friend, cannot help but shine because you are made of stardust. Have fun! Live long and prosper!

Happy New Year!🌺💐🌸🌷🌸🌸💐🌹🌼

A heavy heart

The heart that weeps,
The wound that seeps,
The profound leap,
That faith is yet to keep.
Lillies that float in the sky
Amidst angels that sigh,
Butterflies in the blue sea;
Imagination wild and free.
Hopes that abscond
Like frogs in a pond;
Croaking for rain
To assuage the pain.
Orchids that bloom
Beyond winter's gloom.
Wings of swans spread
To escape from the dread
Of the sudden dark cloud
That springs upon the loved
One's luminous face,
Even while matching her pace.
Shoulders that droop
And words that loop;
Mind in a soup,
Pouring out in a torrent,
Thoughts that torment,
Swirling fears that never cease;
For a heavy heart knows no peace.