Is love an elusive ideal that we hanker after in vain? Or does love make the world go around?
Of late, I have had many people confide in me that they do not feel any love in their hearts anymore. Most people suffering from depression or recovering from trauma or menopause also tend to think along similar lines. They feel that they float atop the uncharted waters of life, dutifully serving their families but totally bereft of any true warm feeling in their hearts. This is not something that people are willing to admit easily and great courage is required to even come to terms with this unpleasant truth. However, I am also beginning to realize that a lot of people have fallen prey to this emptiness at one time of their life or the other. What would cause love to vanish from our hearts?
Sometimes love causes so much pain that we let it be washed away by our tears and unwittingly make ourselves immune to its charm. We cannot bear the intensity of our emotions and shut ourselves up in that safe place where no hurt can reach us. We might delude ourselves into believing that we are untouched by outside events whereas in reality we are just totally unprepared to face any turbulence due to our fragile nature. Should we despair that we have fallen into such a terrible state?
Waking up to an empty heart is not easy. Every morning we painstakingly collect our limbs and drag on in limbo, blind to the beauty of life. At some point of time knowingly or unknowingly, we decided that the unpredictability of life and others was too painful to handle and withdrew into a cocoon. Fortunately this too can be a good thing if we want it to be. Like the proverbial larva that metamorphoses into a beautiful butterfly after its solitude, we too can outgrow our shells and discover our inner beauty.
First step as in any recovery is acceptance and the will to grow as a person. There is so much that we already know more than others who have not yet faced such terrible pain, like the volatility of life and the inevitability of change. Earlier we loved and gave with so much passion like everyone else but in return we were only disappointed and hurt. What expectations we had! And what little we gained! We have burnt the bridge with that love. “Enough is enough,” we said and embarked on a new journey. So now where is that going to lead us?
Though we do not recognize it, we are but at the threshold of learning a more effective way of loving. This love can never disappoint for it is a love without expectation where the reward is nothing but the very act of love itself. The very first time we do anything for another person without expecting anything in return, we learn the baby steps of this kind of love. Try making some extra food and giving it to a homeless hungry person if you want to know this feeling. The smallest act of kindness done without compensation will light a spark within you that will slowly burn brighter and expunge the darkness within. We have to feed it constantly and in time we will learn to love better and wiser.
All love starts and ends with self-love. At first is the recognition that you are not your body but something finer within. This means we have a responsibility to our own body as it is but a creation of God like everything else around us that we have to nourish and make the best use of. Will we starve our pet dog or our children or try to cause them injury? So too our body not being our own has the first right to be looked after. Proper diet and exercise are thus but an extension of this realization.
What about your mind? You think you are your mind? A few moments of quiet contemplation will expose the fallacy of that belief. So we have a responsibility to our mind as well. Will anyone willingly trash their home and clutter it with junk? Why should we then do this to our mind which is more precious than any material thing? We must learn to clear it of unnecessary thoughts and nurture the right ones.
Thus having learnt to put our mind and body to proper use and nourish it with respect and care, we are well equipped to embark on a new and more exciting journey that will teach a better love. We know its first steps are detachment but what is this detachment that we hear so much of? Is it being so sure that you are going to be hurt that you brace yourself every time you interact with someone thus avoiding disappointment? Of course not. It is the very opposite of that. True detachment is giving all that you can even to our worst enemies with a heart so full of love and faith that no one can hurt us for the very process of loving feeds and nurtures our heart completely. It does not leave any want or desire that has to be met externally. We will also not do anything to hurt our own mind or body because we recognize its true nature.
Most of us learn to love the easy way. Splurging all devotion and attention on the object of our affection. Straining our body and mind to keep them happy. Heartbroken when it is not reciprocated. This kind of love easily turns to contempt and hate in no time for it is a love that we cannot sustain. It is a love without any respect for ourselves. It might seem selfless but actually it is selfish and too demanding which will necessarily end only in disappointment.
When we let go of our expectations and let ourselves and others grow, then a love will blossom that is a joy forever.
