Stroke economy in TA training groups

 

One of the primary goals in a TA training group is to be emancipated from the stroke economy. As we all know, Claude Steiner outlined the five restrictive rules known as the stroke economy that we have all imbibed from our culture. In addition, there are many writings on how our initiation into the stroke economy is for the benefit of capitalism and obedience to the state. The artificial scarcity of strokes created by the parenting environment coaxes human infants to submit to their caretakers eventually leading to the formation of script.

Is the goal of being liberated from the stroke economy being met in TA groups? Or are we using the same rules to the advantage of the trainers to mould and shape the trainees to their liking? These and some other important questions need to be addressed. Prima facie, there seems to be a liberal outpour of positive strokes which is very attractive for the stroke-starved trainees. The trainees become determined to conform to group norms and adhere to study goals to ward off conditional negative strokes and store up on the positive strokes. The feedback at the end of teaching practices is where the bulk of strokes are exchanged and this is the fertile ground for favouritism. If some trainees are at the mercy of the whims and fancies of the group at the moment, others have worked behind the scenes to garner favour and assure their quota of positive strokes. At the psychological level, everyone knows that it is a “you scratch my back and I will scratch yours” game except the very clueless or courageous few.  To the so-called Martian of Bernian fame, the entire process will appear dangerously hilarious.

A group of people will hurl out praises and abuses as they please while one person sits in a chair and takes it all in. The trainee in the hot seat is supposed to receive or reject strokes as needed. Meanwhile the other trainees make explicit their hidden hostilities, discounting, grandiosity, overdetailing – the entire works of psychopathology that they are carrying within. At best, the trainee in the spotlight is expected to discern discounts from strokes and gain some insight. Trainees are in the TA group because they are unable to do so in the first place. So it follows that some of them go into script either visibly or covertly and get closer to the payoff. The same applies to the stroke givers too.

It is to avoid such a perilous condition that the idea of contract exists. If personal growth and change is what TA affords, then that is plausible only when a contract is made by the trainee attending to own needs genuinely at the moment of presentation. If the trainee has the need to be celebrated and supported, then she has every right to request that. If the trainee needs to improve in a specific area or explore areas of improvement, that also is his prerogative. That freedom to choose is what makes the whole process humane rather than a gallows roadshow.  

TA is usually taught in an adult setting. As grownups we carry prior experiences and learning to the classroom. As TA trainers, we need to respect and account for that. It is important to let the person decide the pace at which they want to grow and change. Berne has cautioned us to be at least two steps behind the counselee. The same applies to the trainees. The need has to come from them.

Communication is effective only when we take into account the frame of reference of the listener. No matter how well-intentioned or potent a feedback is being handed down to the trainee, if there is no agreement by the trainee to receive it, there will not be any growth. If the 3Ps of protection, permission and potency are to be satisfied, the principles of TA have to be upheld. It is in this kind of benevolent environment that trainees can progress to autonomy and bid adieu to their scripts.

Breaking the racket/script system

Some stressful situation triggers racket feelings. It is happening again. All the worst thoughts r rushing into ur head. When in the grip of racket system, the scripty beliefs and thoughts strengthen. Immediately bring in body awareness and pay attention to body sensations, breath etc. If possible write down what is happening in body after first making an initial summary of what event and thoughts transpired in two sentences. Keep WITNESSING. There wil be movement of body sensations. What is happening NOW is that we are connecting with the authentic feelings repressed at the time of script formation. It was lying beneath the scripty thoughts and racket feelings. This is the original stuck energy for the release of which you have unconsciously created this situation in your life.  Stay with it. Honour it. Let ur awareness gain strength. What are the thoughts about you, others and the world? Educate yourself on what view this part of you has. Dont be attached to it. Just become aware n write it down in one or two sentences each. These ideas served u at one time. So thank that part of u but dont be attached to it. Be compassionate to yourself. Grow in understanding. Thoughts wil become fewer. As your awareness strengthens, bring in a new good thought. Do productive activities. All the while being aware of the sensations in the background. Keep at your exercises, balanced diet, daily responsibilities. Maintain witnessing the body sensations in the background. Allow it to be. Dont be in a hurry to get rid of it. Focus on new beautiful thoughts. Relax. It is happening. Let it be. In time, the energy wil be released, the fixated Child integrated. You have regained your stuck energy. You have become more powerful. Enjoy! God bless!

PS: For u to become aware in a stressful situation, u need to practice effortless moment-to-moment awareness when things are stable. So make witnessing a part of your daily life. Cultivate beautiful thoughts in the garden of your mind..

Of frogs and princes

TA claims that we are all born princes and princesses. Script-ridden people have mistakenly identified themselves as frogs having been cursed to forget their pristine identity.

Ideally TA therapy should lead to a disavowal of this false image and reclamation of the exalted true self. For this, first the script-ridden people have to be encouraged to look within themselves and become aware of the beautiful self lurking beneath the false identity. By thus shifting attention from their 'frogginess,' slowly these people recover their royal form. The frog mask withers away like a mirage. The therapist plays an important role in cultivating this shift by focusing on the princely qualities through attributions, modeling and permissions. Thus the therapist holds a very powerful position in TA group therapy. The counselees are vulnerable at this point and in a highly suggestible state.

If however, the therapist chooses to focus on their frogginess, ridiculing their green habit and warts n all, the counsellees wil start getting attached to their frog identities. The more they hate their warts and remain unaware of their princely true self, the more adamantly they will cling to their 'frogginess' and will therefore be averse to any change. Then the counselees will spend months and years cleansing their green bodies with TA tonic n shampoo and gaze wistfully at their wart-ridden bodies in the false mirror held by the therapist. No frog will turn into a prince this way. The way out is for therapists to focus on the princely qualities and point to the existence of the princely self and hold a shining mirror to this true self. Then the counselees will readily relinquish their illusory 'frogginess' and become the princes and princesses that they are.

APD and symbiosis

Here, APD refers to both antisocial personality disorder as well as the person who has that personality disorder. It is characterized by a blatant disregard for the rights and sensitivities of the other, violation of social norms and in extreme cases even criminal laws. In this article, I describe the garden-variety APD – the noncriminal APD. These masquerade as victims and feed on the energy, time, vitality and well being of others around them. Hence I refer them to as wolves and their victims as sheep.

At first, APD wolf establishes symbiotic relationship with the primary sheep. The primary sheep is the current central victim – the source of vitality from whom the APD will receive strokes, recognition and satisfaction. This could be a singular person or a group of persons. There will always be plenty of secondary sheep and a particularly unfortunate candidate called the scapegoat.

APDs can smell blood. Meaning, they generally have more than average intelligence and are usually keen observers of human nature. They use this to fit in and pick on the ones suitable for their feeding. The gimmick that falls for the APD con is the need to nurture, contribute, to be appreciated and recognized. The primary sheep will have negative NP. Or the primary sheep may be having self doubt and questioning own worth or reason for existence. APD’s Child immediately recognizes the chance to have a symbiotic relationship. In the first order symbiosis, the APD Child establishes a symbiotic union with the Parent and Adult of the primary sheep. APDs do not have an NP. They also briefly experience psychosis. In the secondary symbiosis, the P1 and A1 of APD bonds with C1 of the primary sheep. The primary sheep’s somatic Child derives satisfaction from the attention of the P1 and A1 of the APD. The nurturing provided by the APD is therefore over the top and has a dramatic quality to it. It is also ridden with magical thinking. There is also plenty of manipulative behaviour from the LP of the APD to keep the primary sheep in custody.

First off, the primary sheep will be charmed. Bombarded with strokes. There will be outlandish praises. Key areas of weakness in the primary sheep will be immediately noted by APD and exploited with vigor. APD presents as a victim. Usually complaining of neglect from other family members. Or sweeping primary sheep off their feet with the APD’s carefully constructed aura of vulnerability. The APD confesses some weakness which they are sure that only the primary sheep can cure them of. They will beg, implore and lure the primary sheep’s ego to hook into its need to feel important and competent. The primary sheep will be convinced that all others have failed the APD and they alone will be able to offer APD the magic cure. “Poor little APD! What a cruel world! If only others showed more understanding. I will help you. I will give you the attention that you need. I will cure you, blah, blah.”

For the APD, this is a well-orchestrated game that they have played over their entire lifetime. Many are the primary sheep who had their vitality sucked up, shriveled and died. Thus casting them away after their use, APD moves on from sheep to sheep.

Meanwhile the primary sheep is in ecstasy. The APD shows signs of improvement. They shower the primary sheep with praise. “You have finally done what others could never do. I am changing. I am making progress. Blah, blah.” Primary sheep’s ego is satisfied. But they never know that this game of “getting well” has been enacted countless times and will never reach the expected outcome.

The APD upholds for others and in their own mind a false self image. “A poor defective person trying hard to survive, needs help. Oh help me! They are rejecting me. Please save me.” They are great players of Wooden leg, Stupid, Poor me n “gee you are wonderful.” They are parasites looking to feed on the other person’s generosity, time, and energy. They even use religion to give themselves a saintly aura. They want to cruise through life doing nothing worthwhile but always giving off the image of striving hard. A true Try Hard-er. At worst, the APD appears to the others as an eccentric person, mildly irritating but nevertheless harmless. “Oh the poor sod!” But no! The APD is a vampire and very dangerous.

They will stab the primary sheep behind their back just for the fun of it. They will spread rumours of the primary sheep’s incompetence and may even ruin their career or family life all the while smiling and praising them. After the initial blitzkrieg of strokes that suit the primary sheep’s stroking profile, genuine strokes will be hard to come by. This shoddy behaviour is especially reserved for the one referred to as the scapegoat. They will sing songs of praise about areas that the sheep does not care about. This makes the APD look like a nurturing saint to the general sheep. Meanwhile after 10 plastic strokes, APD will give one counterfeit that pokes the goat straight in the sorespots. Nobody will notice. Even the scapegoat will be left gasping. This is a great boost of energy for the APD. This satisfies the APD’s need for drama. Their stimulus, structure, incidence, contact, and recognition hungers are very high. They need constant drama. The primary sheep will be fattened up and may not notice the cruelty of the APD. The scapegoat suffers silently. They have no words to describe what is going on. It is all so subtle. It is in the tone and nonverbals, and happens behind close doors.

APDs take away precious time and resources that could have been spent on another well-deserving person. APD gives off the image of being extremely caring with their P1 in overdrive. But at best, it is like a kid playing mother or father. Their care is insidiously oppressive n engulfing. They violate boundaries with impunity. They have no respect for personal space. Your attention is fully theirs to enjoy. Any deviation even if it is for your basic necessities will be perceived as an aggressive act. This will turn on the vengeful Child of the APD. An APD scorned is a force to reckon with. They will not finish off the primary sheep as they need to continue to feed on them. But the scapegoat will be punished mercilessly. Their reputations maligned. Their weakness exposed and laughed at. The APD will befriend and recruit the allies of the scapegoat to kick the scapegoat. The very people scapegoat worked hard all their lives to bond with, will at the behest of the APD, hurt the scapegoat. APD’s ogre will be unleashed.

APD is a disorder of the will. The lack of will to switch on their empathy. The lack of will to behave decently. The lack of will to care for the feelings of others. The lack of will to play a benevolent role in society. The lack of will to contribute anything selflessly. The lack of will to work towards goals. Instead they immediately go for the easy way. The manipulative behaviour to make others do all the hardwork and feed on their resources comes naturally to the APD. These people seem to have open-ended scripts. They have something I call negative Be Perfect and Please Others. They don’t have the skill or will to be perfect or please anyone for any significant amount of time. But they are notoriously good at picking on the faults of others and encouraging others to please them. If the APD is not pleased, a tantrum is inevitable. Or silent rage. Or withdrawal. An attempt at suicide. Anything to get the primary sheep to put out and start feeding again. Or they will do these things anyway, just to enjoy the drama of it. They love these negative strokes and negative feelings. It makes them feel alive. Their optimum arousal level is way too high. So they need a huge boost to feel anything.

This is hard on everyone around them. APD cannot be counted upon. They will not remain stable. They will not do anything really significant. They are good at putting on a show of doing a lot. But usually they will recruit the scapegoat to do all the work and to take on all the blame. They themselves on the other hand want to cruise along, enjoy the limelight, play “Poor me” and feed on the generosity of all they can deceive.

APD say what they never do and what they do they never say. And they are great at first impressions. If they don’t appear competent or charming, they will at least come off as that poor person who you would so like to help out. They have practiced this routine countless times. They have built this self image over a life time. They are ready to hook in to you. Just turn the other way and run as fast as you can.

End of games

Socrates said "Know thyself." I want to take a Transactional Analysis (TA) view of the importance of this wisdom.

One important aspect of suffering in human life is  the games that people play.  Games in TA language stands for unconscious manipulative behaviour that results in a psychological payoff of negative feelings for the people involved. I propose that people play games because they do not want to let go of the false idea of who they are. Everyone has an internal image of who they are. If this imaginary self is in congruence with reality, then the person is well adjusted. However if the self image is widely different from reality, there is unconscious fear to face this fact. This fear is mitigated by indulging in behaviour that will support the person's idea of the self image.

One way to do this is to project one's own personality flaws on to another. There are myriad ways that thus result in what we call games. So the solution is to face the truth of who we are not. In exploring that lies our salvation and an end to suffering.

A tale of love

Life is beautiful. Its myriad hues of pain and joy interspersed with moments of heightened awareness and fatigued stupor certainly warrants appreciation. Here is a poem in the mores of TA.

A tale of love

She, the love of my life,

The thorn in my soul,

How can I hate her?

Yet to love her is a sin,

Made in heaven.

This is the curse

I have to bear till the grave.

From this hell,

God alone can save.

The physical abuse,

The emotional abuse,
The covert sexual abuse,

The pain and anger and hatred,

These are excruciating

But I overcome them.

It is the love that truly defeats me.

Not hers, for she can never love

There is neither empathy there nor conscience.

She will use me till I drop dead

And then weep over my listless head,

Yet I will willingly die for her

That is the secret and the dread.

This hidden desire to throw away

My precious life,

For her cruel play.

It is my love that defeats me

I ever drown in this sea

Of my emotions,

Which I carry for her,

This sickness that blackens my soul,

None can erase this love so foul.

“Please help me!”

A cry from the depths of my soul:

The Child within weeps

Trapped in this forbidden love.

A greater love does exist

And this is the happy twist

That will efface the horrors of my tale.

This devotion for that presence

That envelops every sense

Will dry my eye

And draw out a smile.

Into His glory I will melt;

All my burdens will be smelt

In the fire of this divine love;

The ore of shame

Will yield a heart of gold.

En route to this haven of mine

There are pitfalls of pain;

The path is steep to traverse

Yet lit with His amazing grace;

Thirst quenched by snaking rivers,

And guided by Parental stars,

The Adult carries on in hope. 

A Book Review of “Scripts People Live” (1974; Claude M. Steiner)

The concept of Script is a basic tenet of Transactional Analysis. Claude Steiner takes the study of scripts further than Eric Berne (father of Transactional Analysis and his teacher) ever did. Steiner’s loyalty and devotion to Berne having been professed extensively in this lucid, path-breaking volume, he interestingly also goes on to highlight how a deeper knowledge of scripts could have prolonged Berne’s own life. According to Steiner, Berne had injunctions (Parental suggestions) which stood in his way to a rigorous exploration of scripts and strokes. Steiner perhaps wants to right a wrong even if it is too late for his mentor friend. In this way, he may have intended this to be a cathartic piece.

This book provides an illuminating outline of the key concepts of TA so that the lay person is not left stumped by strange terms. Having thus laid a firm foundation, Steiner then builds on this further to highlight his own unique contributions to scripting – the triad of the Lovelessness, Mindlessness, and Joylessness scripts. He delves into their causes. His approach is always practical and steadfastly aimed at curing pathology. In the end, he does not shy away from offering crisp, well-crafted, creative solutions. He enlightens us as to how scripting leads to powerlessness and takes us away from awareness, intimacy and spontaneity. He stresses the advantage of co-operation over competition and this is a refreshing view from a Western intellectual given the overt importance accorded to individuality in Western culture. 

He warns extensively against the pitfall of playing “Rescue” in both therapeutic and non-therapeutic relationships. His portrayal of an ideal therapist as one who brings a solid Adult, nurturing Parent and cheerful Child to therapy is appropriate and heartening. He also enlists Command, Permission, Protection, Fun and Potency as significant tools in a competent therapist’s armour. His suggestions on therapy are astute observations based on ground reality and are therefore priceless.

The short section on Sex-role scripting in men and women by Hogie Wyckoff unfortunately feels archaic, at times offensive, and often not in keeping with the modern and enlightened tone of the rest of the book. Steiner’s own inputs on liberation of men and women from stereotyping and sex-role scripting however stand the test of time and enrich the debate on gender equality immensely. His contribution to the upbringing of children is also valuable and gives a thrust in the right direction to a progressive and compassionate approach to child-rearing aimed at creating adults who are the epitome of autonomy – TA’s ultimate ideal and goal.